Mashimaro And The Drug Allergy

Last Friday found me waiting in trepidation at a dental clinic.

It had been almost two years since my last visit to a dentist and I was actually quite worried about the state my teeth was in, given that there was a throbbing pain in one of my wisdom tooth.

I was actually quite relieved when the dentist said that I had kept my teeth in quite a good condition but then he proceeded to tell me that there is a slight decay in my lower right wisdom tooth.

I was given the choice to either extract the tooth or to have some fillings done on it. Given my legendary high threshold to pain, I of course, chose the latter.

And so, after booking an appointment for the tooth filling, I was prescribed (after declaring that I have no drug allergy) some painkillers for my toothache which I took promptly and as it was still early, I happily left for Kinokuniya.

Now, there have been times when I was sadly mistaken about things that I thought I knew.

For example, I have thought I only liked girls who are short and cute but I ended up liking girls who are either taller or almost as tall (or short, depending on how you look at it) as me.

I've thought I could easily end my single-hood status if I wanted, but my first and only attempt at chasing a girl failed miserably. (I've told her I liked her, but she thought I was joking and then she got attached to this other guy :( Seriously, I don't know how the whole chasing girls thing work.)

And... I've always thought that I do not have any drug allergies.

I was browsing through this book called Wizard First Rule by Terry Goodkind while surreptitiously eyeing this very cute girl standing at the bookshelf in front when my eyes started to itch.

As I have always been a man of action, I immediately gave my balls, um... I mean eyeballs a good rubbing.

The reaction was almost instantaneous (no it was not an erection or anything kinky you dumb fucks) I felt my eyes tearing and my nose stuffing up. Sensing that something was definitely amiss, I hastily took the book and proceeded to the counter to pay.

After leaving Kinokuniya, my eyes begin to swell. Tears were streaming freely down my cheeks and I am having some difficulties breathing due to my blocked nose.

Being a very manly man, I was mortified that people will think that I am crying in the public and thus was contemplating taking the taxi and be damned the peak hour charges.

It turned out though that the taxi queue was longer then the great fucking wall of China.

And so, in my desperation to get home, I squeezed myself up bus 190 (bus 190 must have been a bus going through an identity crisis, for it was doing it's best impersonation of a sardine can when I boarded it), struggled to take out my wallet and stretched my right arm to its limit trying to reach past my fellow sardines to tap the ez-link card reader.

As my wallet tapped the ez-link card reader, a Doo Do Lu Do sound rang out, informing the bus driver and nearby commuters that my ez-link card is in fact, out of cash.

There was a moment of silence as the driver and my fellow passengers turned to look at me.

Finding myself the center of attraction, I sniffled to clear my blocked nose and stared dumbly at the bus driver with eyes that can barely open and cheeks that were damp with tears.

I was about to take the $2 bill out from my wallet to pay for my bus fare when the bus driver turned back to face the road and started the bus after saying in a jolly voice, 'Don't need to pay, no money also never mind. Small matter only.'

I was caught halfway between embarrassment and gratefulness but was in too much discomfort to actually care.

Upon reaching home though, my dad was so shocked by my puffy eyes that he immediately drove me to the clinic.

The doctor confirmed that I was allergic to Naproxen Sodium (the painkiller given to me by the dentist), gave me some medicine for the swellings and told me that the swelling should subside by two days.

So basically, this is how I looked with puffy eyes.

This is me after a shower...

This is me, with eyes fully open...

Side view...

While I thought that the smaller eyes made me look like a Korean actor, my stupid sister insisted that I look like Mashimaro, albeit a not so cute one.



This is Mashimaro...


She even wanted to put a toilet plunger on my head so that I can complete the resemblance.

Damn wtf, I could really feel the family warmth that my little sister is emanating...

P.S. As usual, the entry contains a lot of crap from me and anyone who might take offense from it should treat this post as nonsensical ramblings.

Mahjung and Weijie's Theorem

Recently, Alan, a fellow member of our Single Desperate But Definitely Not Ugly Brotherhood had turned traitor and gotten himself hitched.

Granted, Alan has always been the more active among us when it comes to chasing girls and I have to say that I have always admire his ability to pick himself up after a rejection -but- the more important thing to note here is that Alan is still one of the more enthusiastic Mahjung Khakis around.

Now, Weijie has got this theory, based on some old Chinese sayings that goes something like this, 情场得意赌场失意 (What this means is that people who are lucky in love will be unlucky while gambling and vice versa) and so we decided to celebrate Alan's betrayal loss of singlehood by testing out this theory on him.

The Experiment : Debunking (or hopefully not) The Myth that People Who Are Happily In Love Will Lose Big In Mahjung

The Lucky In Love Test Subject : Alan the Traitor

The Not Lucky In Love Participants : Me, Weijie and Zhongda

Test Methodology : Several rounds of Mahjung games spread over a few weeks.

Method of Interpretation:

100% accurate if the test subject is the only one losing.

66% accurate if the test subject and one other participant are losing.

33% accurate if the test subject and two other participants are losing.

0% accurate if the test subject does not or loses very little.

33% inaccurate if the test subject and one other participant wins.

66% inaccurate if the test subject and two other participants wins.

100% inaccurate if the test subject is the only one winning.


After 5 Saturday nights of Mahjung sessions of which I was a reluctant participant, these are the results (Rendition of the events might not be accurate due to my lousy memory):

1st Mahjung Session : The three of us takes great delight in relieving Alan off his money. We are optimistic that the theory is accurate and rejoice in our single-hood.

2nd Mahjung Session: Me and Weijie won. Suspected that Zhongda might have secretly betrayed the Brotherhood and gotten hitched also but having no concrete proof, we have to admit that there is a need for a re-test.

3rd Mahjung Session: Me and Alan won. Either the theory is really inaccurate or that Zhongda has followed Alan's example and turned traitor. We are leaning more towards believing the latter, there were evidences that a girl code named BZ was somehow involved.

4th Mahjung Session: I am the only one winning. Damn... is everyone turning traitor?

5th Mahjung Session: Me and Weijie won again. I am getting scared of my winning streak. Does this mean that my love luck is in the doldrums? If my gambling luck holds, I should really spend all my Mahjung winning on the New Year's Toto and try to get that $10 million.

Number of Win/Session :

Me : 5/5
Weijie : 3/5
Zhongda : 1/5
Alan : 1/5

Conclusion :

Based on the fact that I know for a certainty that I am single and have exactly no love life and also on the assumption that Zhongda has not betrayed the Single Desperate But Definitely Not Ugly Brotherhood, the accuracy of the theory should be as such

(100% + 66% - 33% + 33% + 66%) / 5 = 232/5 = 46.4%

a figure which is neither here nor there... more Mahjung sessions would have to be held to get a more conclusive results. Either that or we need to find more evidence to prove the highly probable fact that Zhongda had also turned traitor.



P.S. As usual, the entry contains a lot of crap from me and anyone who might take offense from it should treat this post as nonsensical ramblings.

Work and Greener Pastures

I rarely blog about my job because really, there is nothing interesting to blog about.

I don't think that anyone would be interested in reading about incidents where we have to handle aggressive or abusive 'customers' or worse still, 'customers' who like smearing themselves with shit. (No... I am not working in the Institute of Mental Health... even though there are days where some of our 'customers' can really pass off as hardcore psychotic patients)

Also, with me being in the uniform service and this being a very open and public blog, posting about the nature of my work is just a good way for me to be called to the boss office for a talking to, which I don't think I will enjoy very much.

Lastly, as I don't happen to like my current job that much, most of what I will post about the job will sound like endless whining, something which I am sure most of you would have got more than enough from your bfs/gfs and so don't need to get more from my blog.

Truth is, I don't think I am really suited for my job, I am no disciplinarian and I do not really enjoy shouting at or restraining people. I have made no secret about it that I will either leave for a greener pasture (if I can find one) or to further my studies once my bond is up.

But lately, it seemed that work is getting more endurable. I have just been posted to a more relax designation, gotten a promotion and passed my IPPT (yay! no need for RT!). In fact, I am getting so used to my job that I was thinking that maybe getting the $10k retention money and adding another year to my bond is not that bad an idea.

But as I was entertaining this thought, Cat msned me and asked whether I would be going for the next SIA interview. (It seems that she is getting quite bored with her office job)

I then proceeded to tell her about me being just promoted, my very negligible pay increment and my thoughts of staying and she asked me this simple question,

"Would you like the pay increment... or would you like to fly?"

The first thought that I had when she posted this question was of Superman... and of course I would like to be able to fly, I wouldn't mind being bullet proof and having X-ray vision too (hehehe, the things I could do with an X-ray vision) I don't think I would have enjoyed wearing my underwear on the outside. Sometimes I am really amazed by how my mind wanders. The flying that Cat was talking about here was of course not about Superman, but about flying as a cabin crew.

There was this quiz that I had taken during my training days. It was something about the things that a person look out for in life. There were around 7 things, Survival, Freedom, Power, Love and 3 other qualities that I couldn't quite remember.

At that time, I had listed Survival as the number 1 thing in life and freedom as 2nd. But after finding myself working just for survival, I was beginning to question whether survival is really more important than freedom. Is being alive in a cage really being alive? Are we truly living if we are not enjoying life?

To me, flying equates to freedom. I truly think that traveling to different countries (with pretty cabin crew girls no less!) and experiencing different cultures would really broaden my horizons.

Thus I answered Cat with a resounding, Yes! Of course I would like to fly! (yeah, yeah, I know I am exaggerating... it is quite impossible to answer anyone resoundingly using msn)

And so, we made plans to apply for the next SIA interview together. This also means I must start hitting the gym regularly, sleep early and abstain from late nights dota.

While I was trying to sleep early that night, a colleague (I shall call him S for easier reference) who was working the night shift called to pass time, wtf...

To give some background information on S.

He was a bunk mate whom I got along with quite well during our training days. He's sporty, popular, good looking (he was the talking point among the girls whom seemed to think he was hot =.=) and also a self confessed very horny guy.

In short, he is my total opposite and it is still quite a mystery to me why we got along so well.

S had found out about my plans to join SIA some months ago. It turns out that he was also going to apply for SIA, the only difference is that he wanted to wait until our bond finishes before trying and according to his calculation, we should apply around late february or early march next year to be able to get in just as our bond finishes.

As we were talking crap to help him pass time, it came out that one of the main reason that he had wanted to join SIA was because he wanted to sleep around with SIA girls =.=

I was left to wonder why jerks lol i mean flirty guys are so popular with girls while nice guys like me are left on the shelf.

S also told me that someone he knows had tried for the SIA cabin crew post for a grand total 12 times before getting in.

I think I am so going to break that record...

Coincidentally, my neighbor's birthday falls on the 15th of Dec. If my write-in for the interview gets through, I would have to get her something nice for her birthday to entice her to use her birthday wish to help me get through the interview.

Yeah, I know I am a free thinker and free thinkers are not supposed to be superstitious but wtf, I would try anything I could to get pass this interview. So, nice neighbor... care to drop some hints on what you want in exchange for your birthday wish?

P.S. As usual, the entry contains a lot of crap from me and anyone who might take offense from it should treat this post as nonsensical ramblings.

Tagged

I know that it's been quite awhile since I last posted anything, but the thing is, if you lead a life as mundane as mine, it is very hard to blog about anything.

In fact it is so bad that it is getting to a point where I have almost nothing to post about for the month of November. I seriously suspect that my blog is going to die an ignominious death soon if I do not put in a new entry.

Luckily though, my neighbour had kindly given me something to blog about when she tagged me to do this quiz.

Before I commence on the quiz though, I do have to clarify to my neighbour that looking after prisoners is definitely not a hobby of mine.

If you have to anyhow assign a hobby to me, at least assign some sports such as basketball or wakeboarding or any sports that is 阳光 and manly, alright?


The Quiz

1)The person who tagged you is?

Ans: Rouxuan.

2)Your relationship with him/her is?

Ans: Neighbours.

3)Your 5 impressions of him/her is?

Ans: I am assuming that we are not talking about first impressions here hahaha... and so here we go, the 5 impressions I have of her,

1) Tall. She is pretty damn tall, around 170cm I think. Evolution has obviously made a mistake somewhere, girls shouldn't be taller than guys... (In case you people are wondering, I am definitely not shorter than her... no way... uh uh...)

2) Pretty. She was a cute kid years ago and had grown up to be quite a pretty girl... but think she is having acne outbreaks now hahahaha.

3) Clumsy. She is definitely very, very clumsy. I have seen her falling down while doing the simple act of walking to the lift, and I think that she had sprained her leg sometime ago while standing up from her chair... =.= Seriously, I think her pyscho-motor skills are comparable to Da Jie's

4) Friendly. She actually came over our house to say hi when we first moved in years ago... and she was the first to go over and say hi to our next door neighbours when they moved in...

5) Forgiving. Lol, her msn message used to say that Forgiveness is the greatest gift in life and also, I used to make her cry by calling her 猪头 (pig-head) Xuan all the time when she was young. I still call her that occasionally but we are still on speaking terms... so she is kinda forgiving I guess...

4)The most memorable thing he/she has done for you?

Ans: Wah memorable? She helped me with a birthday gift (a handmade bookmark) that I wanted to give to a girl I was kinda chasing (but failed miserably) about a year ago... does that count?

5)The most memorable thing he/she has said to you?

Ans: Hm... She once called me and said, "Hey are you at home right now? Come down in 5 minutes time and help me settle my cab fare first. Pay you back when I got home..."
That was memorable... for what kind of idiot gets on a cab without first making sure she got enough money with her to pay for the fare?

6)If he/she become your lover, you will?

Ans: Her mum will kill me...

7)If he/she become your lover, the thing he/she has to improve on will be?

Ans: Lol I would be dead if that happen so maybe she can improve her crying skills so that she can cry convincingly at my grave...

8) If he/she become your enemy, you will?

Ans: I will migrate and go into hiding. Seriously, my neighbour is creepy... you should see her paintings. If she is as scary as the pictures she paints... just the thought of it sends shivers down my spine...

9)What you want to tell him/her now is?

Ans: Stop growing taller!

10)Your overall impression of him/her is?

Ans: Nice friendly girl... who can be wierd at times..

11)How do you think people around you feel about you?

Ans: That I am full of crap?

12)The characteristics you love of yourself are?

Ans: That I am full of crap? Lol...

13)The ideal person you want to be is?

Ans: Haha I want to look like Takuya Kimura! A taller version that is... and then I can enjoy free Gatsby products...

14)For people that care and like you, say something to them.

Ans: Wahahahaha!

Pass this Quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you.

Lolz... 10 people is alot lehz...

(People who doesn't feel like doing can just ignore this.)

1) Zhongda

2) Delun

3) Chunkin

4) Shaun

5) Junjie

6) Zhengyu

7) Cat

8) Zan

9) Wanying

10) Wanting

15) Who is number 6 having relationship with?

Ans: Lol... I have no idea man...

16) Is number 9 a male or female?

Ans: Female.

17) If number 7 and number 10 are together, will it be a good thing..

Ans: Lol, maybe if either of them go for a sex change?

18) What is number 2 studying?

Ans: Business Management? Lolz... its Econs...

19)When was the last time you had a chat with number 3?

Ans: Around 30 mins ago... if MSN chatting counts.

20) What kind of music band does number 8 like?

Ans: I don't really know... she listens to a wide variety from what I know.

21)Does number 1 has any siblings?

Ans: Lol, number 10 is his elder sister. He got an elder brother also...

22) Will you woo number 3?

Ans: Lol, he's a guy and I am straight...

23) How about number 7?

Ans: Lol, Cheewei will kill me...

24) Is number 4 single?

Ans: No idea... but he hangs out with alot of girls... How do you define single?

25) What is the surname of number 5?

Ans: Li.

26) What are the hobbies for number 10?

Ans: Definitely Mahjung. She has this Miu Miu (which I understand is a brand of some luxurious handbag or something, but seriously Miu Miu is a ludicrous name) fund of which I contribute to regularly whenever we played Mahjung. She once cheated won so much of my $$ that I have to walked home from their house in Bukit Panjang back to my house in Choa Chu Kang...

27) Do number 5 and number 9 get along well?

Ans: Lol, don't think they know each other...

28) Where is number 2 studying at?

Ans: SIM.

29) Say something about number 1

Ans: Lol, my best pal since primary school... I've known him for donkey years... When we were in primary school, he used to be this Casanova type who have girls literally chasing after him during recess time. Now for some reason, he had mellowed down into the shy shy type... =.=

30)Have you try developing feeling for number 8?

Ans: Lol no...

31) Where did number 9 live?

Ans: Choa Chu Kang?

32) What colour does number 4 likes?

Ans: No idea.

33) Are Number 1 and 5 best friends?

Ans: I don't think they know each other.

34)Does number 1 has pets

Ans: Nope.

35) Is Number 7 the sexiest person in the world?

Ans: Hahaha... could be? Have to ask Cheewei...

36)What is number 10 doing now?

Ans: Flying around somewhere?

Hotel626

I had just missed a Dota game due to some lancraft error (Chunkin had taken up the last slot while I was restarting my com, damn) and thus was aimlessly browsing the internet when Aimin intro-ed me to this very eerie game.

Despite being a self proclaimed gaming expert, I just could'nt get past the stage where I have to reach an exit before a shadow reached me and throw me down the stairways.

No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't figure out how to move to the exit before the stupid shadow finished me off.

But one thing that I figured out is this;

No matter where you moved (alright, I've only moved house once in my life so I am not really qualified to make statements like this... by what the heck), there will always be creepy neighbours around.

The evidences leading me to make this statement:

1) My ex neighbour likes playing scary games...

2) My current neighbour likes drawing eerie pictures

You know that it is a scary world that you live in when the kids living around you are creeping you out...

P.S. As usual, the entry contains a lot of crap from me and anyone (especially those creepy neighbours) who might take offense from it should treat this post as nonsensical ramblings.

Jay Zhou New Album!

Jay Zhou's new album, 魔杰座 is out! And I've just bought it! Nuff Said... :)

Eating Out

So I found myself alone at home during dinner time, feeling very hungry and having nothing to eat.

Not wanting to starve to death and feeling damn sick of the nearby hawker center food -and- having no one to accompany me, I decided to make my way down to Lot 1 to have my dinner, -alone-.

Now, many people I know will balk at eating out alone and they will most probably order a take away instead but me, I am a hardened veteran of having my meals alone and most of the time, I prefer to eat out then to order a take away, for beside being an antisocial single guy, I also happen to be a Dota Addict and strangely, most of the time, my Dota Khakis like to have their game during my meal times.

Athough I am a man of iron will, the pull of a Dota game almost always proved to be stronger and thus, many a times I will end up having my meal while playing Dota.

As studies from Harvard have shown that multitasking while eating is an especially unhealthy habit and with me trying to lead a healthy lifestyle, I found myself eating out more and more often.

However, if you were to eat out alone as often as I do, you will find out that most makan places are not singles friendly at all. (It is as if those eating establishment do not welcome businesses from single people or maybe it is just a ploy of the Government to make life difficult for single people in a bid to make them get hitched and increase Singapore's population)

First of all, seats are problem if you are not eating in those high class places where there are waiters to serve you.

As I am a poor guy, I mostly eat out at food courts or fast food restuarants where there are free seatings (Free seatings in this case mean that you have to literally fight off others for your seat) and when you are eating alone, it is generally agreed upon that you can only go for the couples seat (aka the table for two).

It is considered very unfriendly to deprive a big group of their seats (the only exception being when you are starving and near death) when you are alone mostly because a big group of people can hit u harder then a lovey dovey couple can.

Secondly, after you identified the seats that you can go for, you will discover the second problem of eating alone.

There is no one to chope your seat for you.

Now in this situation, there are basically only 2 things you can do:

1) Technique One, also known as the Declaring The Table Under Your Territory Technique.

This technique involves placing any or whatever items that you have on the table/seats and thus declaring that the table belongs to you.

Generally, it is not a good idea to use valuables (such as your hand phone or your branded bag) for this technique for most probably you will lose your seat -and- your valuables. To be really safe, you should always bring a packet of tissue paper with you when eating out.

The tissue paper will allow you to execute the famous Tissue Paper technique (which basically involves you placing a packet of tissue paper on the table and thus announcing to all that the table now belongs to you).

2) Technique Two, also known as the Buy Food First And Hope To Find Seats Later Technique.

This method is mostly for those who do not have packets of tissue paper with them and also for those with an adventurous spirit.

For those who want to use this technique, it is very useful for you to also learn the Art of Acting Pitiful.

In order to get a seat, you have to first take your tray of food and stand near to a table where the occupants have almost finished their food. Then you have to look at those occupants with puppy dog eyes and basically try to look as pitiful and hungry as possible.

It is also helpful to keep hinting to the occupants that you are really hungry. Stomach growling is a good way, but if you are unable to achieve that, you can also try muttering that you are really very hungry.

For my dinner tonight, I used technique two to get my seat (a four seater) from this elderly couple who have just finished their food.

While I was enjoying my meal though, an auntie approached with her two very young and cute kids and asked whether I can share the seats.

While I recognized this technique as the I Have 3 People And You Only Have 1 So You Better Fucking Share The Seats With Us Technique, I being the nice person that I am, gladly agreed to share the seats.

However, after plonking the two kids (a boy of about four or five years old and a girl of about six or seven years old) on the seats in front of me, the auntie then left to buy food leaving me alone with her two kids.

While she was gone though, the young boy started firing a series of questions at me in English while his sister started playing with her hair or something.

Boy: "So what are you eating?"

Me: "um... Japanese food?" (I have no idea what I was eating actually, just that it was number 22 on the menu and consists of beef and fried salmon)

Boy:"So what is that?"

The boy asked, pointing at my bowl of soup.

Me: "Soup?"

Boy:"Oh... and what is that?"

The boy asked again, pointing at the salmon this time.

Me:"Salmon."

I was giving single word answers to project my unwillingness to reply to his never ending questions. But strangely though, the boy could not take the hint.

Boy:"Ok... and what is that?"

The boy was persistent and irritatingly curious as he pointed at the beef inside my tray.

Me:"um... that's a beef stew... I think..."

Boy: "Is it nice? Can I have some?"

Now, I wouldn't have minded giving him some of the beef stew, if only just to shut him up for a while but somehow, I don't think his mum would have appreciated a stranger giving food to her son and so I just smiled at him without answering and then hurriedly tried to finish my dinner.

Boy: "So what are you doing here?"

The question really stumped me and I was considering telling him that I was there to enjoy my dinner in peace and quiet when the boy's sister spoke for the first time.

Girl: "He's here to eat his dinner, stupid." (I seriously hope that the stupid refers to her brother and not me)

I shot the girl a grateful smile and gulped down my food, anxious to leave the table for the boy's interrogation is making me sweat more than a little but I was also a little bit worried to leave those 2 young kids alone at the table.

Luckily, the auntie returned with her trays of food just as I was about to finish my dinner. Swallowing the last morsel I hastily left the table.

On hindsight, I supposed that I was approached to share my table because I look like a nice guy.

I resolved to perfect my I Am Sibeh Unfriendly So Don't Approach Me to Share My Table look so that I will not be caught in such an awkward position when eating out the next time.

I Am Sibeh Unfriendly So Don't Approach Me to Share My Table Look

P.S. As usual, the entry contains a lot of crap from me and anyone who might take offense from it should treat this post as nonsensical ramblings.

Badminton And The Souvenirs From Japan

Badminton was one of my favorite sport while growing up and though it seemed ages ago, I could still remember how me and my neighbors used to spend the evenings of our school holiday playing at the outdoor badminton court near our house.

Back then, our neighbors were so close that they were kind of like our extended family.

Having grown up with each other and being of similar age, we would often jio each other out to cycle or play at the playground downstairs or if feeling really bored, we would cycle over to little Gui Lin to catch turtles and raced the turtles that we have caught.

Those days, most of our evenings would be spent on playing badminton. There were around 4-5 of us each evening as we have our one vs one knockout match. The rules were simple, the winner gets to stay and the loser gets kicked out after being taunted mercilessly.

Us being poor kids, our badminton games were played mainly on the outdoor badminton court near our house and thoughts of playing in an indoor court never even crossed our minds.

This also means that we were subjected to all kinds of weather conditions while we played though mostly, we played on regardless of the weather.

We played when our shots were curled left and right by the winds, we played under the scorching sun, we played on even when its drizzling.

In fact, the only time when we were not playing was when there's a thunderstorm and that was only with our parents threatening to kill us if the lightning did not.

Back then, I was so into badminton that I taught my little sister how to play. I figured that I would combine two of my favorite activities (playing badminton and bullying my sister) into one and save myself some time.

Playing badminton with my sister used to be a breeze. I would easily trash her 11-0 even when playing with my off hand and on hindsight, I think that part of the reason that I like playing badminton so much back then was because I can irritate my sister to no end by laughing at her after she lost a game. (For reasons unknown, I get much entertainment by irritating my little sister and my elder brother gets his entertainment from irritating me AND my little sister. I wonder if this hold true for all siblings or is it because a sadistic streak runs in our family)

All this changed when my sis joined her school badminton club. I could no longer win her with any ease, in fact, most badminton games with her had me ducking for cover as she smashed the shots at me left right center. Badminton was no longer fun when someone half a head shorter then you bullies you at it. To this day, I blame my sis for my loss of interest in the sport.

Recently though, it seems that everyone around me is playing badminton again. My elder brother was playing it weekly, Chunkin joined his school's badminton club and even my current neighbors play on almost every Sunday (I know because they come over to my house to borrow our shuttle cocks on Sundays).

So while it came as no surprise when Zhongda asked me to help him book a court at Choa Chu Kang Stadium 2 weeks ago for today, I was surprised though that we actually need to book 2 weeks in advance in order to get the court and that the bill actually comes up to $14.80 for 2 hours at a single court.

At first, the only people supposed to be playing were Zhongda, Zhongda's cousin, Zhongyong and Zhongyong's girlfriend. However, on that day itself, Chunkin, Da Jie and I decided to join in. Alan was also supposed to come but he said that he didn't have the energy to play as he had been talking to a girl on the phone till 5am and our game is at 9am.

Playing in an indoor court was very different from playing in an outdoor one. Your shots mostly go where you want them to go with no interference from the wind and the wooden floor provides better friction then the dirty concrete floor of an outdoor court.

While we were having our 2v2 knockout matches, Da jie seemed to be the one having the most fun. She was hopping around exuberantly after each shot (leaving an insane amount of sand from her muddy shoes onto the polished wooden floor), urging her team mate to smack the shots at their opponents.

In fact, Da Jie was so 'high' that I was seriously beginning to suspect her of being on drugs. And as the wooden floor gets more and more scratch marks from her muddy shoes and her non-stop hopping I begin to cast furtive glances at the staff of the badminton court, praying hard that they won't notice the damaged floors and ask us to pay for the re-polishing.

Halfway through the game, I noticed something interesting about Da Jie's psycho-motor skills. While she can return shots that were to the left, right or front of her, shots that were hit past her were beyond her ability to return as she seemed incapable of walking backwards.

Being the sportsmen that we were, we immediately begin to exploit this very weird weakness of Da Jie while Da Jie's cousin (who had the misfortune to be paired with her most of the time haha) was left running all over the court to try to cover her weak point.

We played through our 2 hours without any incident or any staff approaching us. My arms were aching like a sore tooth and I seemed to be the only one sweating like a pig after the game (further proof of my fitness).

After showering at home, I made my way to Zhongda's house to have my free lunch. Upon reaching, I found Da Jie telling her boyfriend how she had dominated in the morning badminton game and the 2 facts that I can draw from this:

1) Da Jie has a great potential to be a story teller, albeit a very untruthful one
2) Whatever drugs that she had taken earlier on had not worn off yet.

And as we were talking, it turns out that Da Jie did buy back some souvenirs from her trip to Japan a few weeks ago. And these were what she bought.

Who in the right frame of mind would buy cup noodles as souvenirs?

Knowing that we were going to the KTV later, Da Jie got the maid to put those souvenirs in a plastic bag and forced asked me to take them before they expired, wtf lol.

Regardless, I sincerely want to thank Da Jie for getting me something from her trip even if they are something that seemed to be pick up as an afterthought. =.=


P.S. As usual, the entry contains a lot of crap from me and anyone who might take offense from it should treat this post as nonsensical ramblings.

Some Things You Don't Notice

I have always known that I am not a very observant type of person, I like to daydream whenever I am idle.

I never realized how unobservant I am though, until I got to take the MRT with Hin after we got off from work today.

Now Hin actually belongs to the privilege group of people who happen to own their own transport (a bike in this case). However, due to his bike malfunctioning the night before, he was forced to take the public transport (in this case, the MRT) with the rest of us commoners.

Being the good friend that I am, I proceeded to teach this newbie of public transport the intricacies of taking the MRT (which includes important stuff such as where and how to tap the EZ-Link card) and so basically this is how the conversation went.

Me: "So you know ah, nowadays MRT dun use the MRT cards liaoz... You have to use an EZ-Link Card instead"

Hin shot me a weird look which I interpreted as amazement for my wealth of knowledge.

Hin: "So you know how many carriages a MRT train have?"

Of course I didn't know the answer to his question, for who would so boliao as to count the carriages?

However, not wanting to appear ignorant in front of this minion of the private transport, I immediately summon up a mental picture of the MRT train and tried to hazard a guess.

Me: "Um... 10 carriages?"

Hin: "No, there are only 6 carriages"

Me: "Don't be stupid lah, the train so long, how can be 6 carriages only?"

Hin though, was adamant that he was right (Which in fact he was. The first thing that we did when the train arrived was to count the number of carriages.)

Apparently he had counted the number of carriages so that he will know which carriage to get on in order for him to be nearest to the escalators when he reached his destination. (For example, if you want to be among the first to reach the elevators at Jurong East MRT station from Queenstown MRT station, you should board the 3rd carriage from the last)

As he yada-ed on about his 'Guide on Getting off The Train and Being the First In Line For The Escalators', I was left wondering why different people seem to notice different things when they are in the same scenario.

For me, whenever I am on the train, the only thing that I will take note of is whether there are any pretty girls nearby or not, whereas Hin seems to be only taking note of how he can cut short his traveling time.

2 possible facts that I can derive from this.

1) I am a cool guy who wants to make my traveling time as enjoyable as possible by seeking out eye candies to soothe the monotony of taking the MRT and also that Hin is a calculative elitist of the private transport faction who just wants to spend as little time possible breathing in the same air as us peasants while being stuck in the demeaning public transport.

2) I am just plain unobservant.

P.S. As usual, the entry contains a lot of crap from me and anyone who might take offense from it should treat this post as nonsensical ramblings.

稻香 - Jay Zhou's New Song

Jay Zhou's new song! Can't wait for the album to come out... damn~

Funny Post By The Great Sze

Was doing some random surfing sometime ago when I came across this very funny post by The Great Sze. So here it is in its entirety, lifted straight from his blog.

==============================================================

Why Girls' Blog More Popular than Boys' Blog in Singapore

The premise for today is: Girls' blog is more popular than boys' blog, at least in Singapore.

The premise for today is deliberately written in poor English, but I am too insecure to just let it stand there on its own without this qualifier.

Next, we move on to our primary inquiry for today: WHY is girls' blog more popular than boys' blog in Singapore?

I venture a few answers.

1. Girls' blog got more pictures

In general, any old boy will start a blog. If he has interest in Gundam, he will start a blog showcasing Gundam. If he has interest in leapfrogging iguanas, he will start a blog showcasing leapfrogging iguanas etc etc.

A girl will start a blog if she thinks she is pretty.

Then she will put many many many picture of herself on the blog. I am not insinuating that these think-they-are-pretty girls have nothing of worth to say. They have probably, however, done a cost-benefit analysis: if I have to type something, it will require effort, and time, and creativity. But if I put a picture of myself up, the process is relatively instantaneous, AND at the same time I can get external validation of my physical appearance!

So in the interests of minimum effort, maximum results, these think-they-are-pretty girls put up photos of themselves.

There is of course a sub-group of ugly but articulate girls. These girls' blogs, you will notice, are very unpopular. People don't really read the text on blogs; least of all, people do not want to read what ugly people have to say. If you are still reading this entry, thank you, you're quite good looking yourself too.

Then finally there is the amazing mind-blowing sub-group of PRETTY and ARTICULATE girls. These like giant pearl in big ocean with only 2 oysters.

In any case, from my extensive field surveys, I come to the conclusion that both boys and girls ogle girl photos, but boy photos are seldom ogled. Boys will of course not ogle other boys, ours being a very correct heterosexual nation. And girls will never admit to ogling boys. Even in front of the computer screen girls will only look at boy photo out of the corner of their eye, and then look away and pretend to be inspecting toenail. Like that who will read boys blog? The boys all think "Haiyah this guy is a pussy", and the girls keep averting their eyes from the computer screen. Gone case already.

Furthermore, local boys are ugly. This is actually not my opinion. I have very low standards, I think local boys are OK. But a lot of my "too-cool-for-school" peers like to have a go at local boys. So this is the prevalent mindset, and the girls think so too. Girls come from this planet where everyone looks like Kwon Sang Woo, so we cannot blame them. In fact we should be grateful they have not all died off as a result of sexual frustration.

2. Girls write better

Supposedly girls have more powerful language skills than boys. Last time when we were all killing Shredder and Krang with Splinter, girls were busy reading dictionaries. As a result today girls can all speak very well. This makes for easier, more therapeutic reading. Also some people I know, when they read girls' blog, they imagine the girl whispering the words into their ear. This is something that cannot be done for boys' blog.

3. Girls have a lot more to talk about

Girls live to communicate, to be in harmony, to synchronize periods. Boys just want to kill each other. Apart from giving us an insight into the average intelligence of each gender, this fact also results in girls' blogs being more interesting. Let us say, the same thing happens to a boy and girl: some old aunty cut the queue of the blogger at the hawker centre.

*

GIRL: I am so pissed! Today I was lining up to buy my favourite char kway teow at Ghim Moh (Ghim Moh PWNZ Newton!! Nyahhhh!):

(insert picture of girl lining up)

(insert picture of girl sticking tongue out and lining up)

(insert shaky self-taken picture of girl and photographer)

Then you know what happen?? This AUNTY came and pretend not to see me! And then she CUT RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!!!

(insert picture of aunty's rear profile)

(insert picture of girl's hand making dirty sign at aunty's rear profile)

*RAWR* I was, like, totally going to let her have a piece of my mind lah! And den my darling (insert ridiculous idiotic sweetytalk name here) told me to keep cool. I only managed to hold it in!! *RAWWWRRRRRRRRRRRR*

*pouts* Am feeling grumpy now. The char kway teow tasted lousier! I am sure that aunty's bad aura tainted it!

*

BOY: Nabe todae lao cheebye cut mi Q.

4. Girls readily post comments on other girls' blogs; nobody comments on boys' blogs

A blog that no one comments on is a lousy, unpopular blog.

This point is actually linked to the above one. Girls live to communicate, so they will readily affirm/encourage/support their friends' (or even strangers') blogs. Comments like "you go girl!" and "that's so pretty!!! you always manage to look good in whatever you wear!!" fall like locusts fall from heaven every time a girly blog is concerned. Contrast with boys' blog: nobody comments. or if they do, it usually is of the 1D10+1c l337 5p34k variety.

The reason for non-commenting on boys' blog is straightforward. Boys will not comment on other boys' blog, because the whole aim of existing as a boy is to kill other boys (and to make Gundam). You do not talk to your prey. You just look at their blogs and scoff at them, observe their living patterns and then stake them out for the final kill.

Girls, on the other hand, will not comment on boys' blog because if a GIRL comments on a BOY'S blog, it is damn BO SEI!!! Then everyone will think the girl like the boy! How can like that! Cannot cannot! Girl must sit at home surrounded by flower and spray perfume, staring at her Kwon Sang Woo poster and then one day the boy will show up at her doorstep and ask her to do housework for him. Only THEN can she say "Yes, I really wanted to comment on your blog but I was too shy!"

5. Girls have nehnehpok

I don't really know how to articulate this point. But it feels relevant, somehow.


P.S.
This post was lifted directly from the blog of The Great Sze's November 26th 2006 Posting.

Healthy Lifestyle Part 2

The walk-in interview for the dream job is on again tomorrow. Sad to say though, I will not be going for I haven't got an ounce of confidence that I can pass.

I had skipped the last month walk-in also, because I felt that I was not ready then.

I am still not ready now. The past month have flitted by, without me having done a single thing to improve myself and my chances.

I have stated numerous times before that I feel stifled in my job. It is not just because the work is frustrating and hard, but it's more that I am feeling conflicted and unequal to the job I have to do.

But knowing that I will not stay in this job for long, I could not help but wonder why I have done nothing thus far to secure that dream job.

The passport size photos that I have taken last month for my resume is damn crappy, my hair is messy and my complexion rotten. Basically, I, look and feel like shit.

I am very determined though, that by the next dream job interview(or the next, next interview), I will get my complexion cleared up, a nicer hair cut and a very handsome, digitally enhanced resume photo.

Now, some of you might have known of the Healthy Lifestyle plan that I had made in the month of June. That plan, has sadly fizzled out within 2 weeks of being conceived due to a lack of resolve and some unforeseen circumstances that have cropped up at work.

This time around, I will make it work and thereby, hopefully increasing my chance of making a career switch.

Now I can only hope that Zan's complexion clearing ways can work for me also.

Acne and being a Vain Pot

People who have naturally good complexion may never understand the agonies that those of us who are troubled with acne are going through.

My acne outbreaks have lasted since I was a Secondary 3 student. The acne, beside spoiling my otherwise very handsome (yeah, I wish!) face, has also caused my confidence level to plummet (though in truth, I was never very confident to begin with) and left me with an inferior complex.

Back then, I never seek treatment for the acne because the general feeling then was that a guy should be manly and that using anything other than your normal facial wash will invite derision from your fellow manly men and gain you labels such as being a sissy or a gay.

And so even as I stoically endured the disfiguring effect of the acne on my yan dao-ness, my confidence was slowly eroded away, making me into the shy reticent guy that I am today.

However, nearing 24 years of being single had convinced me that I had better rid myself of my inferior complex. And after much analysing, I decided that the main causes of my lack of confidence is my lack of money and me having an abundance of pimples. (if only it could be the other way round, having a lot of money and lacking pimples)

As it is rather hard to get alot money (none of my toto tickets ever strike!), I decided to risk my manliness and seek treatment for my acne.

I have been going for treatments for several months, but there has been little improvements. My skin is still full of acne scars and I am again suffering from pimples outbreak after I stopped my medication.

I was actually about to lose hope when Zan informed me that she has a solution for facial crisis.

And so, while we were chatting on msn, she showed me photos of her now, very smooth face. Like me, Zan was a fellow sufferer of the very malicious acne and to be honest (no offense wor, Zan) her case of acne back then was even worse off then mine.

As she showed off her very nice complexion, only one thought was running through my mind...
Back then, Zan had looked like she was a pimpled teenager even though she was around 21 of age (what with her small built and little girl voice... really no offense wor Zan!). Now, she looks like a smooth-skin primary school kid =.= lolz wtf.

As we chatted on msn for around an hour, enthusiastically discussing the various treatments for acne and how she managed to clear up her complexion, I was left, in spite of my manliness, feeling like some sibeh vain girl (damn wtf lol) talking with her best pal on the latest makeup or something. But anyways, still want to thank you ah, Zan, when did you become a pyshic and know that I am having a facial crisis sia.

Anyways, call me vain or a sissy or in fact, call me anything you want, I have decided to go for the treatment that Zan had went for.

I still have to state though, I am still a very manly man and I am definitely not gay ok!



P.S.
While I absolutely could not find anything in this entry that might be offending to anyone, I still have to state (to be on the safe side) that anything in this post that might offend anyone should be treated as nonsensical ramblings.

Ian's Wedding

Ian's wedding dinner was held at Swisotel the Stanford, a very posh and high class hotel.

His wedding was like a mini gathering for those of us who used to be in the Southern Island Flight and I am sure that all of us present are happy for him, for he had found a very nice lady to share his life with.

While I myself could never imagine going through with the rigors of getting married, the wedding dinner itself was quite touching, especially when they showed the video that Ian had made for his wife.

Before, whenever I thought of Ian, an image of a flippant, social butterfly (especially around the girls) who is always full of lame jokes comes to mind. However on this night, I saw Ian in a different light.

Maybe it's the lighting, or even the formal suit that he wore, but it seems that marriage had changed and made him more stable, for to me, he kinda appear more mature and somehow seemed to finally made the transition to being an adult. (Yeah, I know, we are way past the age of 21. But being old and being an adult are 2 different things, I think)

However, traces of his humour still showed when he was making his wedding speech, and it is strangely reassuring to know that he was still the same lame-ass person whom I had understudied under before.

Throughout the dinner, I also had fun catching up with the rest of the Pawai-ans, seeing as how the rest of the Pawai Rangers (Yeah, i know its a corny name, but it is catchy ok!) seem to have found their directions in life (Kianyong, Junjie, Jonathan and Weida are in Universities, Cruise and Yong Tai are property agents, Lawrence is in investments while Eric is working hard from ground up in his father's company)

It is also kind of sad as compared to the rest of them, I am still flip flopping around in life and work, single, and not knowing exactly where I am headed or where I want to go.

As people who knows me well should know, I am no good at waxing lyrical about sentimental stuff and so those of you who want more information on the wedding can go to Junjie's posting on the wedding.


Anyways, I would like to wish Ian and Wanjun happiness in their marriage and to borrow a line from Junjie:

Yen, 祝您和琬君永結同心﹐白頭諧老 !!!

Have more kids and be saddled with a lot of study loans wor!

Lunar Festival and The Neighbour's Master Piece

For me, the Mid Autumn Festival has always been a time where we (as kids) arranged lighted candles in pretty patterns, walk around the parks with paper lanterns while admiring the full moon and eating moon cakes.

For as long as I can remember, I've always enjoyed the Mid Autumn festival, it is during this time that we are given general amnesty and a free reign to create arson and vandalize the parks by sticking our candles everywhere, leaving behind ugly scorch marks and melted candle wax.

I remember as a kid, how I used to buy those plastic toy soldiers and then burn them one by one. It is quite disturbing that we found it entertaining to see the fire slowly consuming and melting those small soldiers into sad little puddles of plastic. (Though I absolutely have to make it clear that Zhongda was the one who taught me this, there is no way, uh uh, that I could have come up with this sadistic idea)

However, it seemed that the older I get, the less fun the idea of competing to see who can light the biggest fire becomes. This year marks the first time in my life that I did not even light a single candle or carry a lantern for the whole of the Moon Festival.

In fact, I spent the whole of today at work and the only thing interesting that happened today was of 3 YPs (for those of you who do not know what YP stand for, I can only say that the Y stands for young) complaining to me that their 'room' was haunted.

Upon further questioning though, it seemed that these 3 kids have heard the eerie laughter of a woman in their room the night before. They also showed me a drawing of a long haired woman that was scratched on the behind of their door. The 3 YPs vehemently denied that the drawings were done by them and they also told me how their 'room' seemed colder than the other 'rooms'.

Hearing their story, I was immediately reminded of the incident told to me by one of the night shift staff a few days ago. It seemed that one of my colleagues working the night shift had been scared shitless when he had seen the figure of a long haired lady floating out of our locked office.

I don't know if it is because of their eerie story or because of some other pyschological reasons, their room did feel colder to me.

And so, being the nice and considerate person that I am, I tried to comfort these 3 kids by telling them that a colder room means free air-conditioning and a better night sleep. I also tried to calm their frayed nerves but affirming their story and telling them about the long haired lady that the night duty staff saw.

I don't think they are much comforted though, for they looked positively paler when I left them.

On the way home, I noticed a sms from my neighbour. It seemed that her boy friend, whom she insisted is not her boyfriend(Don't worry, I won't tell your mum lah!), had just entered NS and she wants to know how often he can use his phone. Being the nice friendly neighbour I am, I prompty answered all her queries and tried to assure her that it is not easy for someone to actually die during NS training.

Somehow or rather though, maybe due to the fact that my neighbour is an art student, the conversation lead to the supposedly 'master piece' that she had drawn.

Having been neighbours for years, I had seen quite a number of the art pieces that she had drawn (the most recent being the half melted, maimed hand that looked like something from the movie 'Saw') and thus I was skeptical about whether I could comprehend her drawings.

However, figuring that I could have a good laugh by making fun of her drawings, I asked to see her 'master piece'

And this is it...

The drawing, looking kind of nice and fuzzy in my low resolution photo

Apparently, the theme for this art piece is supposed to be something about warm relationships. And from what my neighbour told me, this drawing is of her and her elder brother when they were younger.

Sadly, the low resolution photo failed to show most of the details that made this drawing a master piece and thus, in a bid to highlight the artistic talents of my neighbour, I shall literally point out what makes this drawing so damn eerie um... I mean great...

Firstly, the two kids in the drawings have very evil looking eyes and are wearing the type of demented grins that, you know, only the Joker in Dark Knight or Chucky in Child Play will have.

Also, the two of them are floating in mid-air while eating ice cream that seemed to be made of blood. The drawing is made more disturbing with the great amount of blood surrounding the two characters.

All in all, I think my neighbor has really outdone herself this time. I could really envision her monopolizing the market for the posters of all the horror movies.

So to the very talented artist living next door, don't forget your very nice and encouraging neighbour when you get rich and famous hor.

P.S.
There is absolutely no sarcasm in this entry. The author really feels that his neighbour has the potential to be the next Picasso. Also, as the author is fond of making fun of the people that he likes, anything that is spastic/sarcastic in the blog should be treated as nonsensical ramblings.

M1 and Ian

This morning, I woke up to see a profusion of smses on my handphone.

Apparently, M1 (being a very nice and friendly customer oriented mobile service provider) have helped me subscribed to a couple of funny services such as lottery results and music downloads.

One of the smses that M1 had sent me : " Thank you for subscribing to 4d Toto at $2.14/mth. Promo rates apply if any. To unsub, sms "term 4dtoto" to 1627"

The 2 implications that people may draw from this sms:

1) The phrase "Thank you for subscribing" implies that I have voluntarily, on my own free will, subscribed for the 4d Toto results from M1 which is of course not what I have done.

So, M1 wtf are you thanking me for?

To me, the forcing of service on someone is somewhat like kissing a girl without asking for her consent first and -then- thanking her for subscribing to your kissing services and then telling her that the service will cost her $2/mth -unless- she sends you an sms saying that she wants to stop your kissing services. (Ok, ok, I know my analogy sucks big time but the gist of it is somewhere there... I think)

Also, by implying that I have voluntarily subscribed for this 4d Toto thing, it can be taken to mean that

2) I am a -gasp- compulsive gambler who bet on Toto and 4d frequently and thus needs to know 4d/Toto information on the go.

As you can see, there isn't a speck of truth in those 2 implications for firstly, I definitely did not sign up for these services and secondly I am definitely not a compulsive gambler.

The only acts of gambling in my life are the very occasional buying of Toto (yeah, I do believe that striking toto is the greatest gift in life) and that once in a while game of Mahjung.

I have to stress that I am not addicted to buying Toto and I don't even like playing Mahjung that much.

Besides the fact that it is hard for a honest, gullible and nice person like me to win anything in Mahjung, I also feel damn pissed when I lose and -very-guilty (hehe, really I do) even when I do win, so in fact, it is a lose lose situation for me .


I am now considering legal action against M1 for gross misrepresentation of information (such as implying that I am addicted to buying toto) and for any any how signing me up for funny services and forcing me to, one by one send termination smses to M1 to cancel those unwanted services.

On a happier note, my good friend Ian is getting married on Monday and I am cordially invited to his wedding dinner.

For those of you who do not know who Ian is, here's some background info

1) He is the sergeant of my army unit whom I once understudied under and the one who sent me to wash the toilet on my first shift up on Pawai.

2) He also taught (by self example, no less) that duty on Pawai involves lying on the bed 23 hours a day. (The other one hour out of bed being used for showering, eating and maybe shitting)

3) We once had a competition while doing our duty in Pawai. The rules are simple, the person who gets down from his bed first loses. I lost. Sometimes I wonder if he is a person or a log, I had never seen anyone else who can stay in bed the whole day.

4) He is also the one of the few sergeants who knows or profess to know, how to cook. He had in fact managed to cook pork meat instant noodles that was so delicious that Nicky, our dog in Pawai refused to eat the pork that was left over. Which is kind of a miracle, for Nicky eats almost anything. Needless to say, none of us could finish the instant noodles.

5) He is leading a great life after his ORD for he gets plumper every time I see him. His features used to be angular I think, now he is just round. (On a side note, my elder brother is heading the same way, he is accumulating layers of fat like a polar bear)

From the scant information above, it is not hard to deduce what a gem of a person Ian is and so a very good luck to you, Ian's future wife.

-Edited- 17/09/08
P.S.

Just realized that I had forgotten to put a disclaimer on this. Anything that might offend/insult anyone should of course be treated as nonsensical ramblings by the author.

ERP Gantries and Hitler

I have always thought that only common people like me have to worry about rising costs but here is proof that even the elites can be troubled by monetary woes.

The Lift And Yoda

I was walking towards the lift below my flat today, after a long and tiring day at work, carrying bags of takeaways from MacDonald's which will serve as dinner for my family.

Though the takeaways were damn heavy (3 sets of up-sized meals and 3 free Olympic cups hor...) my 'muscular' arms barely feel the strain.

However, despite my superhuman strength, it will be difficult to press the lift buttons as it is damn hard to maneuver your fingers when you are carrying a lot of bags.

Lucky for me though, a guy (whom I don't think I have ever seen before) reached the lift before me and seeing that I was laden with many plastic bags, he kindly pressed the button to hold the lift open for me.

After expressing my thanks, I quickly entered the lift and was about to press the button for the 3rd floor - the level where my house is.

But before I could even lift my hand, that guy had reached out with lightning speed and pressed the button for the 3rd floor.

Being a very logical person (and a logical person always numbered out his thoughts), I came out with the several plausible explanations as to why that guy had pressed for the 3rd floor -

1) He is a friend/relative of my neighbors and he is visiting them
2) He is a insurance agent to my neighbors
3) He had pressed for the wrong floor
4) He is a neighbor... whom I had never noticed before

As these thoughts were running in my mind though, this guy very decisively pressed the button for the 6th floor which kinda shows that he wasn't going to the third floor. I was very amazed then and came to the very irrational conclusion that -

1) This guy has some kind of psychic powers and had somehow known that I had wanted to press for the 3rd floor and thus had pressed it for me

2) I am like one of those ordinary people in the TV show 'Heroes' who has just discovered my powers of mind control (Woaha!) and had just used my great powers to control the guy.

However, like I have stated earlier in my post, I am a logical and no nonsense kinda person, so I immediately dismissed these silly thoughts.

But as a very astonished me got out on the 3rd floor, I could not help but get a closer look at this guy before the lift doors closed.

The guy is an uncle in his late 30s or early 40s, has quite a few wrinkles, and is quite short (a full head shorter than me... which is really very short)

In fact, come to think of it, he kinda looks like this....




Less green of course...

I was racking my brain on why this picture looks so familiar when it struck me...

Yoda is living on the 6th floor.

Omigod, May the force be with me.


*P.S.

I mean no disrespect to the kind uncle who held the lift for me. I am really thankful for that kind act. I also happen to hold Yoda in high esteem and when I said Yoda, I actually really meant Master Yoda and if that kind uncle really happen to possess any psychic powers and is now reading my mind while I am writing this very nonsense post, I will be really be appreciative if he can pass on some of his powers to me so that I can increase my chance on not dying a virgin. As always, anything in this blog that might piss off anybody should be treated as nonsensical ramblings.

Weekends, Weekdays and Maths

It is a personal belief of mine that something weird is happening on most weekends for they passed by so damn fucking fast even or especially when you are not doing anything.

On weekends, the clocks seemed to turn faster and the sun seemed to set faster (though this might be attributed to the fact that by the time I wake up, the sun is usually more than halfway through with its descent).

In comparison, the weekdays go by fast only on days when you are taking your off or your leave. For the rest of the time though, the weekdays seem to crawl past with the speed of a crippled tortoise.

I have read somewhere that the 7 days week were invented by either the Jews or the Babylonians.

Now this 7 days week would have been fine if 3.5 days are for weekdays and 3.5 days for weekends.

An 8 days week will be even better though, due to the fact that many of us (me included) are no great shakes in Mathematics and therefore have great difficulties in calculating fractions and decimals.

This is, I believe what happened to the guy who invented the 5 days work week. He must have been a fucking intelligent and charismatic guy (for how else could he have convinced others that a 5 days work week is acceptable) who believes in fairness and equality.

But though he might have been brilliant in a hell lot of things, his Achilles Heel was that he sucked -big time- at Maths . He had not understood that when 7 is divided by 2 the answer is not a freaking 5 and 2.

That is why most of us are slogging away 5 days a week and also why I shall curse this fucker for every single working day of my life.

That is... if I can ever find out who he is.

But as they say, for every bad thing in life that you encountered, there will always be a worse thing that can and will happen.

My current work actually requires me to work on alternate weekends which means that I am -gasp- actually working 11 days / 2 weeks or 5.5 days a week, which also means I am feeling extremely cheated and that I cannot in fairness, curse the guy who invented the 5 days week, for strictly speaking, he is not responsible for my current predicament.

Life is truly great when you don't even know who you can place the blame on when shit happens to you.

Political Correctness

There is something very different about the current world as compared to the world I was in as a school kid.

The world today place a hell lot of emphasis on not hurting people's feeling and political correctness. Whereas in the past, people tend to just say what they fucking want to say.

Stuff such as empathy and being sensitive to others are non-existent back then or maybe simply ignored. People who care about others too much are weak and stupid. The world is a cruel place and only those who can endure it can survive.

I remembered my primary six teacher calling us, or in particularly me and my good pal Zhongda, stupid. Our ears were twisted and pinched by the fat sadistic teacher on a almost daily basis, getting slapped was a common affair.

To be fair, I almost never do my homework but the main reason that I don't ever do them is that the ugly spinster of a teacher was a great believer in making wayward students write lines. If I have spent the time wasted on writing the thousands of lines on studying instead, I could probably have qualified for Mensa. (Strangely enough, I did quite well for my PSLE but after that it all went downhill)

The political correctness of the world today makes me wonder if that evil teacher is still teaching now. One thing is for sure though, if she is still teaching the way that she taught years ago, she would most probably have been sued and head-lined our national newspapers.

However, my main purpose of writing this post is not to rant about this malevolent teacher (though there is a hell lot to rant about) but is instead about how much the world has changed.

We are on the surface much nicer people now, so careful of not offending others through our words or behaviors. Though there is a saying that says 'a rose by any other name is still a rose', we have changed how we describe people. Nowadays, black people are called colored; fat people, big; short people, vertically challenged; and so on...

In my workplace, the 'managers' and 'supervisors' very rarely scold us and put us down. I was expecting a scolding after I took 3 days MC in the span of 2 weeks. What happened though was a gentle advice from the boss telling me that my MC rate is affecting my 'high' performance rating... just before he gave me more projects to do.

And it is not only the well-educated people who are getting more and more political correct. I was buying dinner at the hawker center when the hawker addressed me as 'Shuai Ge' (which means handsome guy)

I was quite flattered by the honesty of this hawker -when- I heard this same hawker addressed a really old auntie behind me as 'Da Jie' (which translates as big sister)

While it makes great business sense for the hawker to flatter any Tom, Dick and Harry who frequents his store, it also makes you doubt every compliment that comes your way.

P.S.

To those kids who like to call me uncle ah, you all got a lot to learn from this hawker. Call me Da Ge the next time.

To the only one person whom I called 'Da Jie' on a regular basis. When I call you 'Da Jie', I am definitely, absolutely and unquestionably -not- inferring that you are an auntie.

You are one of the nicest, friendliest and um... prettiest 'Da Jie' that I have ever seen. Hahahaha. Really.

Driving Lessons

In this materialistic world that we live in, it is imperative for a guy to know how to drive.

As the world progresses, girls are no longer impressed by the hunting/foraging/chest thumping skills of guys. Proving yourself as the alpha male (also known as God's gift to the girls) is no longer as simple as just dragging the carcasses of the deer/stag/goat that you have hunted back to your stinking cave.

This could also be due to the fact that there are little wildlife (aside from the many stray cats) available in urban Singapore -and- I definitely do not think that the girls will be amused if you clobber a very cute cat and bring it home as dinner. (FYI, I am a cat lover myself and I will probably whack you if I see you clobbering a cat)

So what is it that attracts girls now?

Recent studies by Harvard (yeah, I am bullshitting you just to lend this post more credence) have shown that 95% of the girls are drawn to guys who chauffeur them around. There is, I believe, something about having a nice car that makes a girl go weak in her knees.

That is why I am now taking up driving lessons, even though the cost of buying and driving a car in Singapore is probably enough to feed a whole family in some other country for at least a lifetime.

What I did not expect is that the cost of learning how to drive is probably going to cost me an arm and a leg as well.

Just the cost of registering under Bukit Batok Driving Center costs me a whooping $80. A single practical lesson cost $60 (and I might need around 26-30 lessons). The practical test will cost about $130.

The amount of money needed is so fucking amazing that I wonder whether I am paying towards establishing an annual gratuity for the boss, management, clerk, instructors, cleaners of BBDC or for my driving lessons.

I am so going to get my driving license on the first try... for the sake of my manly pride and my thinning wallet.

P.S. My bro and his girlfriend passed in their first try... and their driving sucks big time. I don't think I will live it down if I fail =.=

Religion, Housework and Me

So I am on leave today.

While most people tend to rest on their leave days, I being the hardworking person that I am, spent my very precious leave day on... housework.

Many of you might not know it, but housework is actually a test of endurance for the occupants of the house (for those of us without a maid anyways).

I believe that subconsciously, me and my siblings are actually competing to see who can tahan the increasing disgusting state that the house is degenerating to.

I was way ahead in the endurance department when I lost it, after stepping on something gooey in the kitchen (and this was after I swiped my arm over something slimy on the dinning table).

My elder bro had caved in and cleared out the fridge a week or two ago when he got appalled with its condition. My sis had cleaned up her room when her friends came over to play the previous week.

It was now my turn to do some cleaning up before the house got eaten up by fungus or something.

I am a great believer in reverse psychology so, yeah, I love doing housework very much... there is truly nothing as gratifying as trying to wipe away the stubborn greasy stain on the stove or scrubbing that shitty toilet bowl.

I've spent the better half of the day clearing up the mess in the living room, the dining room and scrubbing the very disgusting kitchen floor, though to be honest, it would not have taken soooo long if I had not made it a point to go through all the interesting magazines that were strewn all over the house.

After making the house a little bit more habitable, I remembered, or rather my neighbor who was walking past the house, reminded me that today is actually the lunar 15th.

Although I happen to be a truly pious free thinker, my IC and more importantly, my Dad had stated that I am a Buddhist. Not wanting to be disowned by Dad, I obediently lay out the fruits (that my bro had bought) on the altar.

As I were arranging the lychees (lychees were my late mum's favorite fruit) on the plate, I found myself wanting to believe in the existence of God (or Gods depending on which religion you believe in), and that there is actually an afterlife where you can again meet the loved ones that you have lost.

But if God exists, how do we know which one of them really exist? If Christ is real then can Buddha or Thor or Allah be real also? If the Bible says that non-believers in Christianity are going to hell and the Koran says the same thing for non-believers in Islam... are we all going to Hell?

Religion is a really hard thing to understand for it requires faith and not logical thinking. You either believe in it or you don't for it is not something that can be proved by looking at facts or evidences.

I think that most of us want to believe in a religion because it promises something beyond what your normal life span of maybe 70-80 years offers.

So, to play it safe, I am now a full time Buddhist, part time free thinker.

In fact, to ensure that I do not end up in some hell when I died, I may decide to believe in all of those religions that states that non-believer (in that particular religion) will burn in hell.

And to reflect my religion inclination, my blog address will change to something like this

Rileon-is-a-BuddhistChristianTaoistIslamicPaganHinduZoroastrianism
Freethinker.blogspot.com

or to keep it short...

Rileon-is-a-sibehreligiousman.blogspot.com

*Disclaimer: There is absolutely no disrespect for any religion in this blog. Contents should be taken as nonsensical ramblings of the blogger.

Men, The Superior Gender

As the superior gender, we males are twice as clever as the females. This is evident from the fact that we are born with two heads instead of one.

Unfortunately, nature seek equality between the two genders and thus, have given us males an insufficient amount of blood to fully supply both heads at the same time.

Having said that, a man can usually assess his situation and decide which head needed the blood the most. And for most of the time, the blood flow is directed to his thinking head.

However, Nature has connived to give the females (who are less clever because they only have half the number of heads as compare to the males) an unfair advantage in the battle of the sexes.

This advantage becomes obvious when you put a woman (especially an attractive and scantily dressed one) near to a guy. A woman will have this very dangerous ability to redirect a man's blood flow from his thinking head to his lower and smaller head.

*It should be noted that the effect of this dangerous ability is often in direct proportion to her attractiveness and her proximity to the guy.

In other words, girls make guys stupid.

This can also be taken to mean that men are stupider. For knowing the effects that girls have on us, we still willingly chase after them as we would rather be stupid then single.

So please. If there are any sweet young things reading this post, do drop me a message. I am single, desperate and utterly willing to be stupid. Just for you.

Damn, I am so proud to be a guy.

Truth of Life

Blogging is hard. Changing the music in the blog is easy. I am lazy. That's why the music in this blog change more then the post. Anyone knows how to put a playlist in a blog?

Healthy Lifestyle

There are a myriad of reasons as to why one would want to live healthily. The obvious ones being that a healthy lifestyle (aka a balanced diet + exercise + 8 hours of sleep) will lead to a better physique and complexion, which, will in turn do wonders to one's level of attractiveness.

Just imagine. Mark Lee with a clear, smooth complexion and a muscular build... ... ... ... ... ...

Not quite a good example. However it will still be a vast improvement.

And then, imagine... let's say Brad Pitt with a stickman's build and orange skin complexion...

For those of you who catches no ball, what I am trying to say here is that while one might be born ok looking, a bad complexion and a poor physique could still make one downright ugly. That is why I have been torturing myself by running, going to the gym and forcing myself to sleep early.

In short, the path to a healthy lifestyle is a path of tremendous pain and suffering.

Basically this is my plan for the next 3 months:

Every morning shift: Gym in the afternoon. Sleep around 1030pm

Every afternoon shift: Jog in the morning. Sleep around 1015pm

Dota: No Dota action after 930pm

Diet: Eat a lot... whenever I can.

My morning shift is from 7am to 3pm while my afternoon shift is from 1215pm to 730pm.

What happened:

First Gym Session: Injured my right arm while doing bicep curls =.=

First jog: Felt like dying after completing 6 rounds on the stadium tracks. Suspect that my timing is around 15 mins. Damn.

Sleep: Went to bed at around 1045pm last Thursday. Counted sheep until around 1 am. Woke up 530am for work.

Dota: Friend jio-ed me for Dota at around 10pm (I've forgotten on which day) saying that they need one more to play 5v5. I agreed even though I had planned to sleep around 1030pm. Proceed to spend 1 hour getting thrashed in Dota. Went to sleep at 11pm+ feeling damn pissed. Dota sucks... Big Time...

So in actual fact, nothing had happened according to plan and I am actually feeling less healthy than when I started.

However, contrary to popular belief, I am a man of iron will and discipline. I believe in finishing what I have started and that is why I will continue on this path of self destruction. In fact, I have so much determination that I had just forced myself to go for another gym session, focusing on chest exercises so as not to stress my right arm.

The result of this determination? Very painful neh nehs.

Life truly sucks.

The Dreaded Walk In Interview

Woke up early today to try my luck for a chance in working with the prestigious Singapore Airlines as a cabin crew.

If not for the fact that my current job sucks big time and with the kind encouragement from a friend (the sister of my good friend... she is working as an air stewardess in SIA) I would never have attempted this interview.

I know that I don't have the looks needed but well-meaning friends seemed to overlook the fact that I look more like Mark Lee then Christopher Lee. I personally think that my friends might have been blinded by my GREAT personality =.= (My neighbor was more truthful. When I messaged her to tell her I am going for an air steward interview, she immediately told me that I cannot make it. Whatever else her shortcomings might be, you can always count on the very 可爱的猪头 Xuan for the truth =.= )

Despite having outbreaks of acne and deep dark eye circles from my stressful 6 days week of working (the late nights spent on non-stop Dota action are not helping also...) I decided to go for IT.

Upon reaching the very nice Sheraton Tower Hotel at around 10 am, I proceeded up to the 2nd floor where lines upon lines of mostly beautiful people are queuing up. I immediately felt out of place (I have never felt comfortable wearing a shirt and a stupid tie. A tie is one of the most impractical and stupid thing ever invented!).

Feeling very awkward, I smsed a few of my friends to try to alleviate my nervousness. Their replies were mostly encouraging, except for my very nice neighbor who keeps giving double-edged encouragement. Thanks ah, very nice neighbor! Next time you forget bring money for cab fare ah... I will laugh at you from upstairs :P

To continue with the story, it is a long wait before I can pass my registration papers to the counter staff and while waiting, I talked with the guy standing in front of me who turned out to be the younger brother of one of my colleagues =.=

So as we continued waiting and making small talks and ogling the many pretty girls around, someone came and collected our registration papers before ushering us into a big room where corporate videos were being screened. We were brought into the room in groups of 10 and those in the same group have to sit in the same row.

We waited in boredom as the videos keep repeating themselves (why can't they put some nice movie out for us to watch while we are waiting? I wanna watch Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull!). Finally, after more than 1 hour of waiting, we were brought into the interview room for the first round of interviews.

There were 2 Malay girls (who looked like they were stewardess in the SIA) interviewing us and we were given a relatively simple task of introducing ourselves. The first 2 to speak gave fairly standard introductions and the whole thing went on smoothly but it's my colleague's brother who nailed the thing.

He (my colleague's brother) stood up and greeted both the interviewers and the rest of us and then proceeded to talk about himself, his passion, where he had traveled, how he got his bronze tan and etc...

All in all, it was a damn brilliant speech with good body posture, hand gestures and stuff. It didn't help that my turn was directly after his.

Still feeling stunned from his great speech, my mind was blank as I stood up and said, " Um...Hi, Good morning to you. My name is (insert my name). I am 24 this year and I am working in (insert workplace). Well, I like travelling and that's why I am trying for SIA. That's all, thank you."

I cursed myself as I sat down. Usually I could talk a lot of crap. I have no problems doing presentations in front of a crowd and usually my presentations are well received by the audience. I don't know whether its a lack of sleep, my self consciousness (from the fact that I know I don't look good) or its just that I am not suited for this job that causes me to flunk this simple introduction. However, what I do know is that I am hungry and without having to go for the 2nd round of the interviews, I can actually go for my breakfast and lunch now.

When the results came out, only 2 out of the 10 of us made it passed the first round. Naturally, I was not among the 2 but my colleague's brother was. After we congratulated those 2 whom have passed, I left the hotel and headed for home a bit dejected. That's one job struck off from my list of dream jobs (I will talk about my list some other day...)

Nevertheless, I've still got more than a year left in my current bond and this means I've still got plenty of time to look for that elusive dream job. Yeah, I planned to change job the moment I've landed any job in my dream jobs list and God (I know, I know, I am an atheist who should be promoting free thought, but if there really is a God up there... Any God will do...) please let me strike Toto so that I can pay off the 10k++ left in my bond and still have money left over to fool around.

Haiz... Life sux...