Eating Out

So I found myself alone at home during dinner time, feeling very hungry and having nothing to eat.

Not wanting to starve to death and feeling damn sick of the nearby hawker center food -and- having no one to accompany me, I decided to make my way down to Lot 1 to have my dinner, -alone-.

Now, many people I know will balk at eating out alone and they will most probably order a take away instead but me, I am a hardened veteran of having my meals alone and most of the time, I prefer to eat out then to order a take away, for beside being an antisocial single guy, I also happen to be a Dota Addict and strangely, most of the time, my Dota Khakis like to have their game during my meal times.

Athough I am a man of iron will, the pull of a Dota game almost always proved to be stronger and thus, many a times I will end up having my meal while playing Dota.

As studies from Harvard have shown that multitasking while eating is an especially unhealthy habit and with me trying to lead a healthy lifestyle, I found myself eating out more and more often.

However, if you were to eat out alone as often as I do, you will find out that most makan places are not singles friendly at all. (It is as if those eating establishment do not welcome businesses from single people or maybe it is just a ploy of the Government to make life difficult for single people in a bid to make them get hitched and increase Singapore's population)

First of all, seats are problem if you are not eating in those high class places where there are waiters to serve you.

As I am a poor guy, I mostly eat out at food courts or fast food restuarants where there are free seatings (Free seatings in this case mean that you have to literally fight off others for your seat) and when you are eating alone, it is generally agreed upon that you can only go for the couples seat (aka the table for two).

It is considered very unfriendly to deprive a big group of their seats (the only exception being when you are starving and near death) when you are alone mostly because a big group of people can hit u harder then a lovey dovey couple can.

Secondly, after you identified the seats that you can go for, you will discover the second problem of eating alone.

There is no one to chope your seat for you.

Now in this situation, there are basically only 2 things you can do:

1) Technique One, also known as the Declaring The Table Under Your Territory Technique.

This technique involves placing any or whatever items that you have on the table/seats and thus declaring that the table belongs to you.

Generally, it is not a good idea to use valuables (such as your hand phone or your branded bag) for this technique for most probably you will lose your seat -and- your valuables. To be really safe, you should always bring a packet of tissue paper with you when eating out.

The tissue paper will allow you to execute the famous Tissue Paper technique (which basically involves you placing a packet of tissue paper on the table and thus announcing to all that the table now belongs to you).

2) Technique Two, also known as the Buy Food First And Hope To Find Seats Later Technique.

This method is mostly for those who do not have packets of tissue paper with them and also for those with an adventurous spirit.

For those who want to use this technique, it is very useful for you to also learn the Art of Acting Pitiful.

In order to get a seat, you have to first take your tray of food and stand near to a table where the occupants have almost finished their food. Then you have to look at those occupants with puppy dog eyes and basically try to look as pitiful and hungry as possible.

It is also helpful to keep hinting to the occupants that you are really hungry. Stomach growling is a good way, but if you are unable to achieve that, you can also try muttering that you are really very hungry.

For my dinner tonight, I used technique two to get my seat (a four seater) from this elderly couple who have just finished their food.

While I was enjoying my meal though, an auntie approached with her two very young and cute kids and asked whether I can share the seats.

While I recognized this technique as the I Have 3 People And You Only Have 1 So You Better Fucking Share The Seats With Us Technique, I being the nice person that I am, gladly agreed to share the seats.

However, after plonking the two kids (a boy of about four or five years old and a girl of about six or seven years old) on the seats in front of me, the auntie then left to buy food leaving me alone with her two kids.

While she was gone though, the young boy started firing a series of questions at me in English while his sister started playing with her hair or something.

Boy: "So what are you eating?"

Me: "um... Japanese food?" (I have no idea what I was eating actually, just that it was number 22 on the menu and consists of beef and fried salmon)

Boy:"So what is that?"

The boy asked, pointing at my bowl of soup.

Me: "Soup?"

Boy:"Oh... and what is that?"

The boy asked again, pointing at the salmon this time.

Me:"Salmon."

I was giving single word answers to project my unwillingness to reply to his never ending questions. But strangely though, the boy could not take the hint.

Boy:"Ok... and what is that?"

The boy was persistent and irritatingly curious as he pointed at the beef inside my tray.

Me:"um... that's a beef stew... I think..."

Boy: "Is it nice? Can I have some?"

Now, I wouldn't have minded giving him some of the beef stew, if only just to shut him up for a while but somehow, I don't think his mum would have appreciated a stranger giving food to her son and so I just smiled at him without answering and then hurriedly tried to finish my dinner.

Boy: "So what are you doing here?"

The question really stumped me and I was considering telling him that I was there to enjoy my dinner in peace and quiet when the boy's sister spoke for the first time.

Girl: "He's here to eat his dinner, stupid." (I seriously hope that the stupid refers to her brother and not me)

I shot the girl a grateful smile and gulped down my food, anxious to leave the table for the boy's interrogation is making me sweat more than a little but I was also a little bit worried to leave those 2 young kids alone at the table.

Luckily, the auntie returned with her trays of food just as I was about to finish my dinner. Swallowing the last morsel I hastily left the table.

On hindsight, I supposed that I was approached to share my table because I look like a nice guy.

I resolved to perfect my I Am Sibeh Unfriendly So Don't Approach Me to Share My Table look so that I will not be caught in such an awkward position when eating out the next time.

I Am Sibeh Unfriendly So Don't Approach Me to Share My Table Look

P.S. As usual, the entry contains a lot of crap from me and anyone who might take offense from it should treat this post as nonsensical ramblings.

Badminton And The Souvenirs From Japan

Badminton was one of my favorite sport while growing up and though it seemed ages ago, I could still remember how me and my neighbors used to spend the evenings of our school holiday playing at the outdoor badminton court near our house.

Back then, our neighbors were so close that they were kind of like our extended family.

Having grown up with each other and being of similar age, we would often jio each other out to cycle or play at the playground downstairs or if feeling really bored, we would cycle over to little Gui Lin to catch turtles and raced the turtles that we have caught.

Those days, most of our evenings would be spent on playing badminton. There were around 4-5 of us each evening as we have our one vs one knockout match. The rules were simple, the winner gets to stay and the loser gets kicked out after being taunted mercilessly.

Us being poor kids, our badminton games were played mainly on the outdoor badminton court near our house and thoughts of playing in an indoor court never even crossed our minds.

This also means that we were subjected to all kinds of weather conditions while we played though mostly, we played on regardless of the weather.

We played when our shots were curled left and right by the winds, we played under the scorching sun, we played on even when its drizzling.

In fact, the only time when we were not playing was when there's a thunderstorm and that was only with our parents threatening to kill us if the lightning did not.

Back then, I was so into badminton that I taught my little sister how to play. I figured that I would combine two of my favorite activities (playing badminton and bullying my sister) into one and save myself some time.

Playing badminton with my sister used to be a breeze. I would easily trash her 11-0 even when playing with my off hand and on hindsight, I think that part of the reason that I like playing badminton so much back then was because I can irritate my sister to no end by laughing at her after she lost a game. (For reasons unknown, I get much entertainment by irritating my little sister and my elder brother gets his entertainment from irritating me AND my little sister. I wonder if this hold true for all siblings or is it because a sadistic streak runs in our family)

All this changed when my sis joined her school badminton club. I could no longer win her with any ease, in fact, most badminton games with her had me ducking for cover as she smashed the shots at me left right center. Badminton was no longer fun when someone half a head shorter then you bullies you at it. To this day, I blame my sis for my loss of interest in the sport.

Recently though, it seems that everyone around me is playing badminton again. My elder brother was playing it weekly, Chunkin joined his school's badminton club and even my current neighbors play on almost every Sunday (I know because they come over to my house to borrow our shuttle cocks on Sundays).

So while it came as no surprise when Zhongda asked me to help him book a court at Choa Chu Kang Stadium 2 weeks ago for today, I was surprised though that we actually need to book 2 weeks in advance in order to get the court and that the bill actually comes up to $14.80 for 2 hours at a single court.

At first, the only people supposed to be playing were Zhongda, Zhongda's cousin, Zhongyong and Zhongyong's girlfriend. However, on that day itself, Chunkin, Da Jie and I decided to join in. Alan was also supposed to come but he said that he didn't have the energy to play as he had been talking to a girl on the phone till 5am and our game is at 9am.

Playing in an indoor court was very different from playing in an outdoor one. Your shots mostly go where you want them to go with no interference from the wind and the wooden floor provides better friction then the dirty concrete floor of an outdoor court.

While we were having our 2v2 knockout matches, Da jie seemed to be the one having the most fun. She was hopping around exuberantly after each shot (leaving an insane amount of sand from her muddy shoes onto the polished wooden floor), urging her team mate to smack the shots at their opponents.

In fact, Da Jie was so 'high' that I was seriously beginning to suspect her of being on drugs. And as the wooden floor gets more and more scratch marks from her muddy shoes and her non-stop hopping I begin to cast furtive glances at the staff of the badminton court, praying hard that they won't notice the damaged floors and ask us to pay for the re-polishing.

Halfway through the game, I noticed something interesting about Da Jie's psycho-motor skills. While she can return shots that were to the left, right or front of her, shots that were hit past her were beyond her ability to return as she seemed incapable of walking backwards.

Being the sportsmen that we were, we immediately begin to exploit this very weird weakness of Da Jie while Da Jie's cousin (who had the misfortune to be paired with her most of the time haha) was left running all over the court to try to cover her weak point.

We played through our 2 hours without any incident or any staff approaching us. My arms were aching like a sore tooth and I seemed to be the only one sweating like a pig after the game (further proof of my fitness).

After showering at home, I made my way to Zhongda's house to have my free lunch. Upon reaching, I found Da Jie telling her boyfriend how she had dominated in the morning badminton game and the 2 facts that I can draw from this:

1) Da Jie has a great potential to be a story teller, albeit a very untruthful one
2) Whatever drugs that she had taken earlier on had not worn off yet.

And as we were talking, it turns out that Da Jie did buy back some souvenirs from her trip to Japan a few weeks ago. And these were what she bought.

Who in the right frame of mind would buy cup noodles as souvenirs?

Knowing that we were going to the KTV later, Da Jie got the maid to put those souvenirs in a plastic bag and forced asked me to take them before they expired, wtf lol.

Regardless, I sincerely want to thank Da Jie for getting me something from her trip even if they are something that seemed to be pick up as an afterthought. =.=


P.S. As usual, the entry contains a lot of crap from me and anyone who might take offense from it should treat this post as nonsensical ramblings.

Some Things You Don't Notice

I have always known that I am not a very observant type of person, I like to daydream whenever I am idle.

I never realized how unobservant I am though, until I got to take the MRT with Hin after we got off from work today.

Now Hin actually belongs to the privilege group of people who happen to own their own transport (a bike in this case). However, due to his bike malfunctioning the night before, he was forced to take the public transport (in this case, the MRT) with the rest of us commoners.

Being the good friend that I am, I proceeded to teach this newbie of public transport the intricacies of taking the MRT (which includes important stuff such as where and how to tap the EZ-Link card) and so basically this is how the conversation went.

Me: "So you know ah, nowadays MRT dun use the MRT cards liaoz... You have to use an EZ-Link Card instead"

Hin shot me a weird look which I interpreted as amazement for my wealth of knowledge.

Hin: "So you know how many carriages a MRT train have?"

Of course I didn't know the answer to his question, for who would so boliao as to count the carriages?

However, not wanting to appear ignorant in front of this minion of the private transport, I immediately summon up a mental picture of the MRT train and tried to hazard a guess.

Me: "Um... 10 carriages?"

Hin: "No, there are only 6 carriages"

Me: "Don't be stupid lah, the train so long, how can be 6 carriages only?"

Hin though, was adamant that he was right (Which in fact he was. The first thing that we did when the train arrived was to count the number of carriages.)

Apparently he had counted the number of carriages so that he will know which carriage to get on in order for him to be nearest to the escalators when he reached his destination. (For example, if you want to be among the first to reach the elevators at Jurong East MRT station from Queenstown MRT station, you should board the 3rd carriage from the last)

As he yada-ed on about his 'Guide on Getting off The Train and Being the First In Line For The Escalators', I was left wondering why different people seem to notice different things when they are in the same scenario.

For me, whenever I am on the train, the only thing that I will take note of is whether there are any pretty girls nearby or not, whereas Hin seems to be only taking note of how he can cut short his traveling time.

2 possible facts that I can derive from this.

1) I am a cool guy who wants to make my traveling time as enjoyable as possible by seeking out eye candies to soothe the monotony of taking the MRT and also that Hin is a calculative elitist of the private transport faction who just wants to spend as little time possible breathing in the same air as us peasants while being stuck in the demeaning public transport.

2) I am just plain unobservant.

P.S. As usual, the entry contains a lot of crap from me and anyone who might take offense from it should treat this post as nonsensical ramblings.

稻香 - Jay Zhou's New Song

Jay Zhou's new song! Can't wait for the album to come out... damn~

Funny Post By The Great Sze

Was doing some random surfing sometime ago when I came across this very funny post by The Great Sze. So here it is in its entirety, lifted straight from his blog.

==============================================================

Why Girls' Blog More Popular than Boys' Blog in Singapore

The premise for today is: Girls' blog is more popular than boys' blog, at least in Singapore.

The premise for today is deliberately written in poor English, but I am too insecure to just let it stand there on its own without this qualifier.

Next, we move on to our primary inquiry for today: WHY is girls' blog more popular than boys' blog in Singapore?

I venture a few answers.

1. Girls' blog got more pictures

In general, any old boy will start a blog. If he has interest in Gundam, he will start a blog showcasing Gundam. If he has interest in leapfrogging iguanas, he will start a blog showcasing leapfrogging iguanas etc etc.

A girl will start a blog if she thinks she is pretty.

Then she will put many many many picture of herself on the blog. I am not insinuating that these think-they-are-pretty girls have nothing of worth to say. They have probably, however, done a cost-benefit analysis: if I have to type something, it will require effort, and time, and creativity. But if I put a picture of myself up, the process is relatively instantaneous, AND at the same time I can get external validation of my physical appearance!

So in the interests of minimum effort, maximum results, these think-they-are-pretty girls put up photos of themselves.

There is of course a sub-group of ugly but articulate girls. These girls' blogs, you will notice, are very unpopular. People don't really read the text on blogs; least of all, people do not want to read what ugly people have to say. If you are still reading this entry, thank you, you're quite good looking yourself too.

Then finally there is the amazing mind-blowing sub-group of PRETTY and ARTICULATE girls. These like giant pearl in big ocean with only 2 oysters.

In any case, from my extensive field surveys, I come to the conclusion that both boys and girls ogle girl photos, but boy photos are seldom ogled. Boys will of course not ogle other boys, ours being a very correct heterosexual nation. And girls will never admit to ogling boys. Even in front of the computer screen girls will only look at boy photo out of the corner of their eye, and then look away and pretend to be inspecting toenail. Like that who will read boys blog? The boys all think "Haiyah this guy is a pussy", and the girls keep averting their eyes from the computer screen. Gone case already.

Furthermore, local boys are ugly. This is actually not my opinion. I have very low standards, I think local boys are OK. But a lot of my "too-cool-for-school" peers like to have a go at local boys. So this is the prevalent mindset, and the girls think so too. Girls come from this planet where everyone looks like Kwon Sang Woo, so we cannot blame them. In fact we should be grateful they have not all died off as a result of sexual frustration.

2. Girls write better

Supposedly girls have more powerful language skills than boys. Last time when we were all killing Shredder and Krang with Splinter, girls were busy reading dictionaries. As a result today girls can all speak very well. This makes for easier, more therapeutic reading. Also some people I know, when they read girls' blog, they imagine the girl whispering the words into their ear. This is something that cannot be done for boys' blog.

3. Girls have a lot more to talk about

Girls live to communicate, to be in harmony, to synchronize periods. Boys just want to kill each other. Apart from giving us an insight into the average intelligence of each gender, this fact also results in girls' blogs being more interesting. Let us say, the same thing happens to a boy and girl: some old aunty cut the queue of the blogger at the hawker centre.

*

GIRL: I am so pissed! Today I was lining up to buy my favourite char kway teow at Ghim Moh (Ghim Moh PWNZ Newton!! Nyahhhh!):

(insert picture of girl lining up)

(insert picture of girl sticking tongue out and lining up)

(insert shaky self-taken picture of girl and photographer)

Then you know what happen?? This AUNTY came and pretend not to see me! And then she CUT RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!!!

(insert picture of aunty's rear profile)

(insert picture of girl's hand making dirty sign at aunty's rear profile)

*RAWR* I was, like, totally going to let her have a piece of my mind lah! And den my darling (insert ridiculous idiotic sweetytalk name here) told me to keep cool. I only managed to hold it in!! *RAWWWRRRRRRRRRRRR*

*pouts* Am feeling grumpy now. The char kway teow tasted lousier! I am sure that aunty's bad aura tainted it!

*

BOY: Nabe todae lao cheebye cut mi Q.

4. Girls readily post comments on other girls' blogs; nobody comments on boys' blogs

A blog that no one comments on is a lousy, unpopular blog.

This point is actually linked to the above one. Girls live to communicate, so they will readily affirm/encourage/support their friends' (or even strangers') blogs. Comments like "you go girl!" and "that's so pretty!!! you always manage to look good in whatever you wear!!" fall like locusts fall from heaven every time a girly blog is concerned. Contrast with boys' blog: nobody comments. or if they do, it usually is of the 1D10+1c l337 5p34k variety.

The reason for non-commenting on boys' blog is straightforward. Boys will not comment on other boys' blog, because the whole aim of existing as a boy is to kill other boys (and to make Gundam). You do not talk to your prey. You just look at their blogs and scoff at them, observe their living patterns and then stake them out for the final kill.

Girls, on the other hand, will not comment on boys' blog because if a GIRL comments on a BOY'S blog, it is damn BO SEI!!! Then everyone will think the girl like the boy! How can like that! Cannot cannot! Girl must sit at home surrounded by flower and spray perfume, staring at her Kwon Sang Woo poster and then one day the boy will show up at her doorstep and ask her to do housework for him. Only THEN can she say "Yes, I really wanted to comment on your blog but I was too shy!"

5. Girls have nehnehpok

I don't really know how to articulate this point. But it feels relevant, somehow.


P.S.
This post was lifted directly from the blog of The Great Sze's November 26th 2006 Posting.

Healthy Lifestyle Part 2

The walk-in interview for the dream job is on again tomorrow. Sad to say though, I will not be going for I haven't got an ounce of confidence that I can pass.

I had skipped the last month walk-in also, because I felt that I was not ready then.

I am still not ready now. The past month have flitted by, without me having done a single thing to improve myself and my chances.

I have stated numerous times before that I feel stifled in my job. It is not just because the work is frustrating and hard, but it's more that I am feeling conflicted and unequal to the job I have to do.

But knowing that I will not stay in this job for long, I could not help but wonder why I have done nothing thus far to secure that dream job.

The passport size photos that I have taken last month for my resume is damn crappy, my hair is messy and my complexion rotten. Basically, I, look and feel like shit.

I am very determined though, that by the next dream job interview(or the next, next interview), I will get my complexion cleared up, a nicer hair cut and a very handsome, digitally enhanced resume photo.

Now, some of you might have known of the Healthy Lifestyle plan that I had made in the month of June. That plan, has sadly fizzled out within 2 weeks of being conceived due to a lack of resolve and some unforeseen circumstances that have cropped up at work.

This time around, I will make it work and thereby, hopefully increasing my chance of making a career switch.

Now I can only hope that Zan's complexion clearing ways can work for me also.

Acne and being a Vain Pot

People who have naturally good complexion may never understand the agonies that those of us who are troubled with acne are going through.

My acne outbreaks have lasted since I was a Secondary 3 student. The acne, beside spoiling my otherwise very handsome (yeah, I wish!) face, has also caused my confidence level to plummet (though in truth, I was never very confident to begin with) and left me with an inferior complex.

Back then, I never seek treatment for the acne because the general feeling then was that a guy should be manly and that using anything other than your normal facial wash will invite derision from your fellow manly men and gain you labels such as being a sissy or a gay.

And so even as I stoically endured the disfiguring effect of the acne on my yan dao-ness, my confidence was slowly eroded away, making me into the shy reticent guy that I am today.

However, nearing 24 years of being single had convinced me that I had better rid myself of my inferior complex. And after much analysing, I decided that the main causes of my lack of confidence is my lack of money and me having an abundance of pimples. (if only it could be the other way round, having a lot of money and lacking pimples)

As it is rather hard to get alot money (none of my toto tickets ever strike!), I decided to risk my manliness and seek treatment for my acne.

I have been going for treatments for several months, but there has been little improvements. My skin is still full of acne scars and I am again suffering from pimples outbreak after I stopped my medication.

I was actually about to lose hope when Zan informed me that she has a solution for facial crisis.

And so, while we were chatting on msn, she showed me photos of her now, very smooth face. Like me, Zan was a fellow sufferer of the very malicious acne and to be honest (no offense wor, Zan) her case of acne back then was even worse off then mine.

As she showed off her very nice complexion, only one thought was running through my mind...
Back then, Zan had looked like she was a pimpled teenager even though she was around 21 of age (what with her small built and little girl voice... really no offense wor Zan!). Now, she looks like a smooth-skin primary school kid =.= lolz wtf.

As we chatted on msn for around an hour, enthusiastically discussing the various treatments for acne and how she managed to clear up her complexion, I was left, in spite of my manliness, feeling like some sibeh vain girl (damn wtf lol) talking with her best pal on the latest makeup or something. But anyways, still want to thank you ah, Zan, when did you become a pyshic and know that I am having a facial crisis sia.

Anyways, call me vain or a sissy or in fact, call me anything you want, I have decided to go for the treatment that Zan had went for.

I still have to state though, I am still a very manly man and I am definitely not gay ok!



P.S.
While I absolutely could not find anything in this entry that might be offending to anyone, I still have to state (to be on the safe side) that anything in this post that might offend anyone should be treated as nonsensical ramblings.

Ian's Wedding

Ian's wedding dinner was held at Swisotel the Stanford, a very posh and high class hotel.

His wedding was like a mini gathering for those of us who used to be in the Southern Island Flight and I am sure that all of us present are happy for him, for he had found a very nice lady to share his life with.

While I myself could never imagine going through with the rigors of getting married, the wedding dinner itself was quite touching, especially when they showed the video that Ian had made for his wife.

Before, whenever I thought of Ian, an image of a flippant, social butterfly (especially around the girls) who is always full of lame jokes comes to mind. However on this night, I saw Ian in a different light.

Maybe it's the lighting, or even the formal suit that he wore, but it seems that marriage had changed and made him more stable, for to me, he kinda appear more mature and somehow seemed to finally made the transition to being an adult. (Yeah, I know, we are way past the age of 21. But being old and being an adult are 2 different things, I think)

However, traces of his humour still showed when he was making his wedding speech, and it is strangely reassuring to know that he was still the same lame-ass person whom I had understudied under before.

Throughout the dinner, I also had fun catching up with the rest of the Pawai-ans, seeing as how the rest of the Pawai Rangers (Yeah, i know its a corny name, but it is catchy ok!) seem to have found their directions in life (Kianyong, Junjie, Jonathan and Weida are in Universities, Cruise and Yong Tai are property agents, Lawrence is in investments while Eric is working hard from ground up in his father's company)

It is also kind of sad as compared to the rest of them, I am still flip flopping around in life and work, single, and not knowing exactly where I am headed or where I want to go.

As people who knows me well should know, I am no good at waxing lyrical about sentimental stuff and so those of you who want more information on the wedding can go to Junjie's posting on the wedding.


Anyways, I would like to wish Ian and Wanjun happiness in their marriage and to borrow a line from Junjie:

Yen, 祝您和琬君永結同心﹐白頭諧老 !!!

Have more kids and be saddled with a lot of study loans wor!

Lunar Festival and The Neighbour's Master Piece

For me, the Mid Autumn Festival has always been a time where we (as kids) arranged lighted candles in pretty patterns, walk around the parks with paper lanterns while admiring the full moon and eating moon cakes.

For as long as I can remember, I've always enjoyed the Mid Autumn festival, it is during this time that we are given general amnesty and a free reign to create arson and vandalize the parks by sticking our candles everywhere, leaving behind ugly scorch marks and melted candle wax.

I remember as a kid, how I used to buy those plastic toy soldiers and then burn them one by one. It is quite disturbing that we found it entertaining to see the fire slowly consuming and melting those small soldiers into sad little puddles of plastic. (Though I absolutely have to make it clear that Zhongda was the one who taught me this, there is no way, uh uh, that I could have come up with this sadistic idea)

However, it seemed that the older I get, the less fun the idea of competing to see who can light the biggest fire becomes. This year marks the first time in my life that I did not even light a single candle or carry a lantern for the whole of the Moon Festival.

In fact, I spent the whole of today at work and the only thing interesting that happened today was of 3 YPs (for those of you who do not know what YP stand for, I can only say that the Y stands for young) complaining to me that their 'room' was haunted.

Upon further questioning though, it seemed that these 3 kids have heard the eerie laughter of a woman in their room the night before. They also showed me a drawing of a long haired woman that was scratched on the behind of their door. The 3 YPs vehemently denied that the drawings were done by them and they also told me how their 'room' seemed colder than the other 'rooms'.

Hearing their story, I was immediately reminded of the incident told to me by one of the night shift staff a few days ago. It seemed that one of my colleagues working the night shift had been scared shitless when he had seen the figure of a long haired lady floating out of our locked office.

I don't know if it is because of their eerie story or because of some other pyschological reasons, their room did feel colder to me.

And so, being the nice and considerate person that I am, I tried to comfort these 3 kids by telling them that a colder room means free air-conditioning and a better night sleep. I also tried to calm their frayed nerves but affirming their story and telling them about the long haired lady that the night duty staff saw.

I don't think they are much comforted though, for they looked positively paler when I left them.

On the way home, I noticed a sms from my neighbour. It seemed that her boy friend, whom she insisted is not her boyfriend(Don't worry, I won't tell your mum lah!), had just entered NS and she wants to know how often he can use his phone. Being the nice friendly neighbour I am, I prompty answered all her queries and tried to assure her that it is not easy for someone to actually die during NS training.

Somehow or rather though, maybe due to the fact that my neighbour is an art student, the conversation lead to the supposedly 'master piece' that she had drawn.

Having been neighbours for years, I had seen quite a number of the art pieces that she had drawn (the most recent being the half melted, maimed hand that looked like something from the movie 'Saw') and thus I was skeptical about whether I could comprehend her drawings.

However, figuring that I could have a good laugh by making fun of her drawings, I asked to see her 'master piece'

And this is it...

The drawing, looking kind of nice and fuzzy in my low resolution photo

Apparently, the theme for this art piece is supposed to be something about warm relationships. And from what my neighbour told me, this drawing is of her and her elder brother when they were younger.

Sadly, the low resolution photo failed to show most of the details that made this drawing a master piece and thus, in a bid to highlight the artistic talents of my neighbour, I shall literally point out what makes this drawing so damn eerie um... I mean great...

Firstly, the two kids in the drawings have very evil looking eyes and are wearing the type of demented grins that, you know, only the Joker in Dark Knight or Chucky in Child Play will have.

Also, the two of them are floating in mid-air while eating ice cream that seemed to be made of blood. The drawing is made more disturbing with the great amount of blood surrounding the two characters.

All in all, I think my neighbor has really outdone herself this time. I could really envision her monopolizing the market for the posters of all the horror movies.

So to the very talented artist living next door, don't forget your very nice and encouraging neighbour when you get rich and famous hor.

P.S.
There is absolutely no sarcasm in this entry. The author really feels that his neighbour has the potential to be the next Picasso. Also, as the author is fond of making fun of the people that he likes, anything that is spastic/sarcastic in the blog should be treated as nonsensical ramblings.

M1 and Ian

This morning, I woke up to see a profusion of smses on my handphone.

Apparently, M1 (being a very nice and friendly customer oriented mobile service provider) have helped me subscribed to a couple of funny services such as lottery results and music downloads.

One of the smses that M1 had sent me : " Thank you for subscribing to 4d Toto at $2.14/mth. Promo rates apply if any. To unsub, sms "term 4dtoto" to 1627"

The 2 implications that people may draw from this sms:

1) The phrase "Thank you for subscribing" implies that I have voluntarily, on my own free will, subscribed for the 4d Toto results from M1 which is of course not what I have done.

So, M1 wtf are you thanking me for?

To me, the forcing of service on someone is somewhat like kissing a girl without asking for her consent first and -then- thanking her for subscribing to your kissing services and then telling her that the service will cost her $2/mth -unless- she sends you an sms saying that she wants to stop your kissing services. (Ok, ok, I know my analogy sucks big time but the gist of it is somewhere there... I think)

Also, by implying that I have voluntarily subscribed for this 4d Toto thing, it can be taken to mean that

2) I am a -gasp- compulsive gambler who bet on Toto and 4d frequently and thus needs to know 4d/Toto information on the go.

As you can see, there isn't a speck of truth in those 2 implications for firstly, I definitely did not sign up for these services and secondly I am definitely not a compulsive gambler.

The only acts of gambling in my life are the very occasional buying of Toto (yeah, I do believe that striking toto is the greatest gift in life) and that once in a while game of Mahjung.

I have to stress that I am not addicted to buying Toto and I don't even like playing Mahjung that much.

Besides the fact that it is hard for a honest, gullible and nice person like me to win anything in Mahjung, I also feel damn pissed when I lose and -very-guilty (hehe, really I do) even when I do win, so in fact, it is a lose lose situation for me .


I am now considering legal action against M1 for gross misrepresentation of information (such as implying that I am addicted to buying toto) and for any any how signing me up for funny services and forcing me to, one by one send termination smses to M1 to cancel those unwanted services.

On a happier note, my good friend Ian is getting married on Monday and I am cordially invited to his wedding dinner.

For those of you who do not know who Ian is, here's some background info

1) He is the sergeant of my army unit whom I once understudied under and the one who sent me to wash the toilet on my first shift up on Pawai.

2) He also taught (by self example, no less) that duty on Pawai involves lying on the bed 23 hours a day. (The other one hour out of bed being used for showering, eating and maybe shitting)

3) We once had a competition while doing our duty in Pawai. The rules are simple, the person who gets down from his bed first loses. I lost. Sometimes I wonder if he is a person or a log, I had never seen anyone else who can stay in bed the whole day.

4) He is also the one of the few sergeants who knows or profess to know, how to cook. He had in fact managed to cook pork meat instant noodles that was so delicious that Nicky, our dog in Pawai refused to eat the pork that was left over. Which is kind of a miracle, for Nicky eats almost anything. Needless to say, none of us could finish the instant noodles.

5) He is leading a great life after his ORD for he gets plumper every time I see him. His features used to be angular I think, now he is just round. (On a side note, my elder brother is heading the same way, he is accumulating layers of fat like a polar bear)

From the scant information above, it is not hard to deduce what a gem of a person Ian is and so a very good luck to you, Ian's future wife.

-Edited- 17/09/08
P.S.

Just realized that I had forgotten to put a disclaimer on this. Anything that might offend/insult anyone should of course be treated as nonsensical ramblings by the author.