The Two Paper Clips

I just re-affirmed one thing about myself today.

I am either:

a) A very gullible idiot.

or

b) An exceedingly kindhearted person.

As this is MY blog and I do have an obligation to put myself in the best possible light, I have to say option b.

I was on my way home from a long hot sticky and damn tiring day of work when I was approached by this teenager who was holding a cardboard clipped full of paper clips.

As this teenager is a guy and not some cute looking girl, I put on my most 'dao' expression and decided to act like I was in a hurry and just walk away.

However, before I could walk away, the teenager had began his sales pitch.

Teenager : "Hi there, I was wondering whether I could take up a moment of your time?"

Being a very nice and well mannered guy, I found myself replying against my own accord.

Me: "Ok sure... So what is this about?"

Teenager: "Would you be more comfortable speaking in english or mandarin?"

Me: "Either would be fine...?"

Teenager: "So are you local?"

Me: "Yah...?"

Teenager: "Oh ok, its just that you have this American accent when you talk..."

Wow, my English pronunciation has always been bad and this is the first time that someone mistook my bad English for an American accent. Either that or this teenager is using a standard compliment for every potential customer he meets...

Teenager: "So where are you studying right now?"

Me: "I am actually working right now..."

Teenager: "Oh... its just that you look very young..."

Hm... that would be two compliments in a span of maybe four sentences. I am flattered despite knowing that it is a standard sales pitch and felt obliged to continue listening to what he has to say.

Teenager: "Well, actually I am from this entrepreneur school and me and my classmates have to pass this graduation project which is to grow our $1 capital into $100 in 3 hours time..."

The teenager then points to a couple of his classmates who are in the area, one of them whom was accosting a rather pretty office lady.

My attention was immediately diverted by the pretty office lady as the teenager continues yada-ing.

Teenager pointing to his cardboard full of paper clips: "So if possible, can you help us buy some paper clips for whatever amount you are willing to pay? Our deadline to get the $100 is at 9pm..."

The mention of his project deadline brought my memories back to my polytechnic days when I was desperately trying to meet the deadline for my final year project. We had been given a total of 6 months for our project. I had procrastinated until the last week to do it and the days of sleepless nights trying (albeit futilely) to complete the project had seemed like hell to me...

I could totally emphasize with anyone who is trying his best to meet a deadline. Thus, I generously pulled out a ten dollars note.

Me: "So how many paper clips would $10 get me?"

Teenager holding out the cardboard to let me choose the paper clips : "As many as you like... but please don't take all of them."

After applying my astounding mathematical skills to calculate the worth of those paper clips (factoring in the cost price, inflation, effort, etc....) I happily took these 2 paper clips.


(Due to the misplacement of my phone's cable, the pictures of the paper clips cannot be shown)


Teenager: " Wow! Thanks!"

Me, before walking off: "Naw... Good luck in your graduation project!"

For some reason, this reminded me of an incident a few years back where I had just drawn $20 from the ATM and this old lady approached me asking for some money while stating that she had no money to go home. As she looked really old and pitiful, I gave her all the money I had drawn and watched her walked off happily...

Weird Day...

Today has been a weird day. And when I say weird, I meant the kind of weird that leans more towards being shitty. In fact it leaned so much towards shitty that it's more like a shitty day that leans towards being weird.

Yeah, I know I am not making much sense and yeah, I know I am full of shit, but today has been a really shitty day. And when I say shitty, I really meant it. Literally.

For those of you who are curious about the shit I am talking about... here is the gist of the story.

I was taking the train to Queenstown to work today. Yeah, I know some of you might be wondering about what is so strange with taking the train to work when thousands of other people are taking the train everyday for reasons as simple as being poor or as obscure as being a freaking green peace member who is obsessed with saving the environment. However, what is weird is not my train journey but what I saw while the train was moving from Bukit Batok towards Jurong East.

People who take the train regularly will know that the journey can be awfully boring, especially when it's like the 321241th time that you are taking that particular train at that particular timing everyday. This is especially so when there are no cute girls on the train.

So what happened is that I was looking out of the window at those nice nice stretch of grasslands underneath the mrt tracks when I saw this middle age man squatting under one of the mrt track.

Now, this in itself is already very weird as the place where he is squatting, is in the middle of exactly nowhere. Thus, out of curiosity, I strained my eyes to get a better look. The man was squatting with his trousers down, butt facing in my direction. At that exact moment when my eyes focused and gained perfect clarity on him(Yeah, my eyes are like camera lenses... it takes time for them to focus), I saw a string of slimy looking brownish stuff coming out from his butt. I curse my Lasik given good eyesight =.=

If this is the only thing that happened today, I would have shrugged it off and not bother to blog about it for I am a very lazy, um... I mean laidback person. After getting off at Queenstown, I went directly to the toilet inside the mrt as I have a urgent need to pee. While peeing in the very empty toilet, this weird guy suddenly came in and proceeded to pee at the latrine that was nearest to me.

Those of you who are guys will know that straight guys absolutely do not pee directly next to each other if they have a choice. This guy reminds me of the gay I knew in my training school and as if this is not enough to creep me out, that guy actually grinned at me while I was washing my hands. Being a paranoid kind of person, I decided to let him leave the toilet first before leaving myself to ensure that I am not being followed by him.

After leaving the toilet, I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw that weird fucker heading towards the opposite stairway from where I was heading. And so, after getting down from my side of the stairway, I headed over to the Kopitiam where I usually have my lunch. This was when I saw the weird fucker walked past me.

At this moment, I was rather alarmed and thoughts like, "How the fuck did this fucker get here", "Is this Fucker stalking me?", "Fuck, is this fucker from the CPIB? But I never did anything?!", "Damn, I hope I remember what I've learnt in my combat training so I can wack this fucker upside down" were running inside my head.

However, the weird guy just walk past me and disappeared somewhere out of sight. Feeling stupid and a little bit gu niang, I went on to have my lunch. I was running abit late after my lunch and as I was walking towards my workplace, the weird fucker appeared again out of nowhere in front of me. Fuck! Is this guy a ninja or what?

The weird fucker then approached me and introduced himself. Fuck! He is really stalking me!
Basically, this is what I recalled from the conversation...

Weird Fucker (From now on he will be known as WF) : "Hi, I am Lee... Can we exchange numbers?"

Well, if its a girl asking for my number... I will give it without a second thought... However, as this is a potentially gay fucker, I answered very coolly in a 'dao' manner.

Me: "No thanks, I would rather not."

WF: "Oh well... Do you stay around here?"

Me:"No, but I work here in -Confidential Info-"

WF:"Oh well, I am actually running a business in Well Being... yada yada yada (I've forgotten what he said)"

Me:"Huh? Well Being? What is that about?"

WF:"Well, basically our customers are young ladies who are interested to maintain a healthy and slim body and to increase their bust lines"

Basically I have no idea what he is talking about...

ME: " Uh huh...?"

WF:"So we are looking for young people like you to help us promote the business and yada yada.... "

I've forgotten most of what he said except the important key words such as young ladies, slim body and bust lines. And so, as it sounds like an interesting business, I took down his number and promised to call when I am free.

However, after some serious consideration, I've come to the conclusion that this is either:

1) A scam that targets innocent looking guys like me and probably involves me parting with a substantial sum of my money.

2) This guy is a gay fuck.

And thus decide against calling the WF.

And to top off this splendid day... I waited for 1.5 hours for my younger sister so that we can have dinner today. Damn... I am such a nice brother.