This morning, I woke up to see a profusion of smses on my handphone.
Apparently, M1 (being a very nice and friendly customer oriented mobile service provider) have helped me subscribed to a couple of funny services such as lottery results and music downloads.
One of the smses that M1 had sent me : " Thank you for subscribing to 4d Toto at $2.14/mth. Promo rates apply if any. To unsub, sms "term 4dtoto" to 1627"
The 2 implications that people may draw from this sms:
1) The phrase "Thank you for subscribing" implies that I have voluntarily, on my own free will, subscribed for the 4d Toto results from M1 which is of course not what I have done.
So, M1 wtf are you thanking me for?
To me, the forcing of service on someone is somewhat like kissing a girl without asking for her consent first and -then- thanking her for subscribing to your kissing services and then telling her that the service will cost her $2/mth -unless- she sends you an sms saying that she wants to stop your kissing services. (Ok, ok, I know my analogy sucks big time but the gist of it is somewhere there... I think)
Also, by implying that I have voluntarily subscribed for this 4d Toto thing, it can be taken to mean that
2) I am a -gasp- compulsive gambler who bet on Toto and 4d frequently and thus needs to know 4d/Toto information on the go.
As you can see, there isn't a speck of truth in those 2 implications for firstly, I definitely did not sign up for these services and secondly I am definitely not a compulsive gambler.
The only acts of gambling in my life are the very occasional buying of Toto (yeah, I do believe that striking toto is the greatest gift in life) and that once in a while game of Mahjung.
I have to stress that I am not addicted to buying Toto and I don't even like playing Mahjung that much.
Besides the fact that it is hard for a honest, gullible and nice person like me to win anything in Mahjung, I also feel damn pissed when I lose and -very-guilty (hehe, really I do) even when I do win, so in fact, it is a lose lose situation for me .
I am now considering legal action against M1 for gross misrepresentation of information (such as implying that I am addicted to buying toto) and for any any how signing me up for funny services and forcing me to, one by one send termination smses to M1 to cancel those unwanted services.
On a happier note, my good friend Ian is getting married on Monday and I am cordially invited to his wedding dinner.
For those of you who do not know who Ian is, here's some background info
1) He is the sergeant of my army unit whom I once understudied under and the one who sent me to wash the toilet on my first shift up on Pawai.
2) He also taught (by self example, no less) that duty on Pawai involves lying on the bed 23 hours a day. (The other one hour out of bed being used for showering, eating and maybe shitting)
3) We once had a competition while doing our duty in Pawai. The rules are simple, the person who gets down from his bed first loses. I lost. Sometimes I wonder if he is a person or a log, I had never seen anyone else who can stay in bed the whole day.
4) He is also the one of the few sergeants who knows or profess to know, how to cook. He had in fact managed to cook pork meat instant noodles that was so delicious that Nicky, our dog in Pawai refused to eat the pork that was left over. Which is kind of a miracle, for Nicky eats almost anything. Needless to say, none of us could finish the instant noodles.
5) He is leading a great life after his ORD for he gets plumper every time I see him. His features used to be angular I think, now he is just round. (On a side note, my elder brother is heading the same way, he is accumulating layers of fat like a polar bear)
From the scant information above, it is not hard to deduce what a gem of a person Ian is and so a very good luck to you, Ian's future wife.
-Edited- 17/09/08
P.S.
Just realized that I had forgotten to put a disclaimer on this. Anything that might offend/insult anyone should of course be treated as nonsensical ramblings by the author.
Showing posts with label Nonsense. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Nonsense. Show all posts
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Weekends, Weekdays and Maths
It is a personal belief of mine that something weird is happening on most weekends for they passed by so damn fucking fast even or especially when you are not doing anything.
On weekends, the clocks seemed to turn faster and the sun seemed to set faster (though this might be attributed to the fact that by the time I wake up, the sun is usually more than halfway through with its descent).
In comparison, the weekdays go by fast only on days when you are taking your off or your leave. For the rest of the time though, the weekdays seem to crawl past with the speed of a crippled tortoise.
I have read somewhere that the 7 days week were invented by either the Jews or the Babylonians.
Now this 7 days week would have been fine if 3.5 days are for weekdays and 3.5 days for weekends.
An 8 days week will be even better though, due to the fact that many of us (me included) are no great shakes in Mathematics and therefore have great difficulties in calculating fractions and decimals.
This is, I believe what happened to the guy who invented the 5 days work week. He must have been a fucking intelligent and charismatic guy (for how else could he have convinced others that a 5 days work week is acceptable) who believes in fairness and equality.
But though he might have been brilliant in a hell lot of things, his Achilles Heel was that he sucked -big time- at Maths . He had not understood that when 7 is divided by 2 the answer is not a freaking 5 and 2.
That is why most of us are slogging away 5 days a week and also why I shall curse this fucker for every single working day of my life.
That is... if I can ever find out who he is.
But as they say, for every bad thing in life that you encountered, there will always be a worse thing that can and will happen.
My current work actually requires me to work on alternate weekends which means that I am -gasp- actually working 11 days / 2 weeks or 5.5 days a week, which also means I am feeling extremely cheated and that I cannot in fairness, curse the guy who invented the 5 days week, for strictly speaking, he is not responsible for my current predicament.
Life is truly great when you don't even know who you can place the blame on when shit happens to you.
On weekends, the clocks seemed to turn faster and the sun seemed to set faster (though this might be attributed to the fact that by the time I wake up, the sun is usually more than halfway through with its descent).
In comparison, the weekdays go by fast only on days when you are taking your off or your leave. For the rest of the time though, the weekdays seem to crawl past with the speed of a crippled tortoise.
I have read somewhere that the 7 days week were invented by either the Jews or the Babylonians.
Now this 7 days week would have been fine if 3.5 days are for weekdays and 3.5 days for weekends.
An 8 days week will be even better though, due to the fact that many of us (me included) are no great shakes in Mathematics and therefore have great difficulties in calculating fractions and decimals.
This is, I believe what happened to the guy who invented the 5 days work week. He must have been a fucking intelligent and charismatic guy (for how else could he have convinced others that a 5 days work week is acceptable) who believes in fairness and equality.
But though he might have been brilliant in a hell lot of things, his Achilles Heel was that he sucked -big time- at Maths . He had not understood that when 7 is divided by 2 the answer is not a freaking 5 and 2.
That is why most of us are slogging away 5 days a week and also why I shall curse this fucker for every single working day of my life.
That is... if I can ever find out who he is.
But as they say, for every bad thing in life that you encountered, there will always be a worse thing that can and will happen.
My current work actually requires me to work on alternate weekends which means that I am -gasp- actually working 11 days / 2 weeks or 5.5 days a week, which also means I am feeling extremely cheated and that I cannot in fairness, curse the guy who invented the 5 days week, for strictly speaking, he is not responsible for my current predicament.
Life is truly great when you don't even know who you can place the blame on when shit happens to you.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Political Correctness
There is something very different about the current world as compared to the world I was in as a school kid.
The world today place a hell lot of emphasis on not hurting people's feeling and political correctness. Whereas in the past, people tend to just say what they fucking want to say.
Stuff such as empathy and being sensitive to others are non-existent back then or maybe simply ignored. People who care about others too much are weak and stupid. The world is a cruel place and only those who can endure it can survive.
I remembered my primary six teacher calling us, or in particularly me and my good pal Zhongda, stupid. Our ears were twisted and pinched by the fat sadistic teacher on a almost daily basis, getting slapped was a common affair.
To be fair, I almost never do my homework but the main reason that I don't ever do them is that the ugly spinster of a teacher was a great believer in making wayward students write lines. If I have spent the time wasted on writing the thousands of lines on studying instead, I could probably have qualified for Mensa. (Strangely enough, I did quite well for my PSLE but after that it all went downhill)
The political correctness of the world today makes me wonder if that evil teacher is still teaching now. One thing is for sure though, if she is still teaching the way that she taught years ago, she would most probably have been sued and head-lined our national newspapers.
However, my main purpose of writing this post is not to rant about this malevolent teacher (though there is a hell lot to rant about) but is instead about how much the world has changed.
We are on the surface much nicer people now, so careful of not offending others through our words or behaviors. Though there is a saying that says 'a rose by any other name is still a rose', we have changed how we describe people. Nowadays, black people are called colored; fat people, big; short people, vertically challenged; and so on...
In my workplace, the 'managers' and 'supervisors' very rarely scold us and put us down. I was expecting a scolding after I took 3 days MC in the span of 2 weeks. What happened though was a gentle advice from the boss telling me that my MC rate is affecting my 'high' performance rating... just before he gave me more projects to do.
And it is not only the well-educated people who are getting more and more political correct. I was buying dinner at the hawker center when the hawker addressed me as 'Shuai Ge' (which means handsome guy)
I was quite flattered by the honesty of this hawker -when- I heard this same hawker addressed a really old auntie behind me as 'Da Jie' (which translates as big sister)
While it makes great business sense for the hawker to flatter any Tom, Dick and Harry who frequents his store, it also makes you doubt every compliment that comes your way.
P.S.
To those kids who like to call me uncle ah, you all got a lot to learn from this hawker. Call me Da Ge the next time.
To the only one person whom I called 'Da Jie' on a regular basis. When I call you 'Da Jie', I am definitely, absolutely and unquestionably -not- inferring that you are an auntie.
You are one of the nicest, friendliest and um... prettiest 'Da Jie' that I have ever seen. Hahahaha. Really.
The world today place a hell lot of emphasis on not hurting people's feeling and political correctness. Whereas in the past, people tend to just say what they fucking want to say.
Stuff such as empathy and being sensitive to others are non-existent back then or maybe simply ignored. People who care about others too much are weak and stupid. The world is a cruel place and only those who can endure it can survive.
I remembered my primary six teacher calling us, or in particularly me and my good pal Zhongda, stupid. Our ears were twisted and pinched by the fat sadistic teacher on a almost daily basis, getting slapped was a common affair.
To be fair, I almost never do my homework but the main reason that I don't ever do them is that the ugly spinster of a teacher was a great believer in making wayward students write lines. If I have spent the time wasted on writing the thousands of lines on studying instead, I could probably have qualified for Mensa. (Strangely enough, I did quite well for my PSLE but after that it all went downhill)
The political correctness of the world today makes me wonder if that evil teacher is still teaching now. One thing is for sure though, if she is still teaching the way that she taught years ago, she would most probably have been sued and head-lined our national newspapers.
However, my main purpose of writing this post is not to rant about this malevolent teacher (though there is a hell lot to rant about) but is instead about how much the world has changed.
We are on the surface much nicer people now, so careful of not offending others through our words or behaviors. Though there is a saying that says 'a rose by any other name is still a rose', we have changed how we describe people. Nowadays, black people are called colored; fat people, big; short people, vertically challenged; and so on...
In my workplace, the 'managers' and 'supervisors' very rarely scold us and put us down. I was expecting a scolding after I took 3 days MC in the span of 2 weeks. What happened though was a gentle advice from the boss telling me that my MC rate is affecting my 'high' performance rating... just before he gave me more projects to do.
And it is not only the well-educated people who are getting more and more political correct. I was buying dinner at the hawker center when the hawker addressed me as 'Shuai Ge' (which means handsome guy)
I was quite flattered by the honesty of this hawker -when- I heard this same hawker addressed a really old auntie behind me as 'Da Jie' (which translates as big sister)
While it makes great business sense for the hawker to flatter any Tom, Dick and Harry who frequents his store, it also makes you doubt every compliment that comes your way.
P.S.
To those kids who like to call me uncle ah, you all got a lot to learn from this hawker. Call me Da Ge the next time.
To the only one person whom I called 'Da Jie' on a regular basis. When I call you 'Da Jie', I am definitely, absolutely and unquestionably -not- inferring that you are an auntie.
You are one of the nicest, friendliest and um... prettiest 'Da Jie' that I have ever seen. Hahahaha. Really.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Men, The Superior Gender
As the superior gender, we males are twice as clever as the females. This is evident from the fact that we are born with two heads instead of one.
Unfortunately, nature seek equality between the two genders and thus, have given us males an insufficient amount of blood to fully supply both heads at the same time.
Having said that, a man can usually assess his situation and decide which head needed the blood the most. And for most of the time, the blood flow is directed to his thinking head.
However, Nature has connived to give the females (who are less clever because they only have half the number of heads as compare to the males) an unfair advantage in the battle of the sexes.
This advantage becomes obvious when you put a woman (especially an attractive and scantily dressed one) near to a guy. A woman will have this very dangerous ability to redirect a man's blood flow from his thinking head to his lower and smaller head.
*It should be noted that the effect of this dangerous ability is often in direct proportion to her attractiveness and her proximity to the guy.
In other words, girls make guys stupid.
This can also be taken to mean that men are stupider. For knowing the effects that girls have on us, we still willingly chase after them as we would rather be stupid then single.
So please. If there are any sweet young things reading this post, do drop me a message. I am single, desperate and utterly willing to be stupid. Just for you.
Damn, I am so proud to be a guy.
Unfortunately, nature seek equality between the two genders and thus, have given us males an insufficient amount of blood to fully supply both heads at the same time.
Having said that, a man can usually assess his situation and decide which head needed the blood the most. And for most of the time, the blood flow is directed to his thinking head.
However, Nature has connived to give the females (who are less clever because they only have half the number of heads as compare to the males) an unfair advantage in the battle of the sexes.
This advantage becomes obvious when you put a woman (especially an attractive and scantily dressed one) near to a guy. A woman will have this very dangerous ability to redirect a man's blood flow from his thinking head to his lower and smaller head.
*It should be noted that the effect of this dangerous ability is often in direct proportion to her attractiveness and her proximity to the guy.
In other words, girls make guys stupid.
This can also be taken to mean that men are stupider. For knowing the effects that girls have on us, we still willingly chase after them as we would rather be stupid then single.
So please. If there are any sweet young things reading this post, do drop me a message. I am single, desperate and utterly willing to be stupid. Just for you.
Damn, I am so proud to be a guy.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Truth of Life
Blogging is hard. Changing the music in the blog is easy. I am lazy. That's why the music in this blog change more then the post. Anyone knows how to put a playlist in a blog?
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