Her

Love is illogical.

For despite knowing that I am not right for this girl (I shall just call her x), I have liked her for years.

And all these years, I have tried to do the right thing and tried to treat her with nonchalance.

I've also tried chasing this other girl just so I can forgot about x and I even got x to help in making a birthday present for this girl I was chasing.

Of course, it didn't work out with this other girl. Maybe she could sense what I am really feeling. I did tried convincing myself that I really liked this other girl and I think that I really did liked her in a way but it just could be that I like x even more.


Actually, I am very apologetic for trying to use this other girl as a platform to forget x and if she ever happen to read this post, I would like to use this opportunity to say sorry to her and that I hope that she and Sam are still happily attached.


I don't really know how to explain it, I am just inexplicably happy when x is around and I found myself asking x for help in things I don't need help with just so that I can be around her.

Truth is, she is the first person I will look for to go on a holiday with, not the last. And I would have waited for her, however long, though I said something to the contrary.

However, an incident happened 2-3 months ago, its a small thing really, but it finally made me realized what I should have known all this while.

I really do not have a place in her life.

If I have been thinking logically, I would have avoided her from the start.

We do not share similar interests nor a mutual group of friends.

The gap between us is too big.

And from what I know, she already has someone she likes. Someone whom she gives cookies to. Someone who gets jealous whenever she is out with other guys.

If love is logical, I should not have liked her.

I am confused, but I think I know what is the correct thing to do and so I did my best to avoid her this past few months, a surprising easy thing to do though I suppose she doesn't even realized I am avoiding her.

Today though, I saw a picture of her with her guy and the good thing I suppose, is that, I am no longer confused.

I should be happy for her I know, but sadly I am not.

Hope dangles on a string, like slow spinning redemption.

Should I be like the donkey, forever trying to reach the carrot that is forever dangling out of his reach?

I don't think so. That's why I am removing her from all my contacts.

I will find someone who is just nice for me.

Someday.

I hope.

P.S.

I am not usually this emo and I know I am way past the age of emo-ing.

I also know that this emo shit might sound incoherent, but if you people realized, I have not been blogging for quite some time.

However, I do need to get some of this emo shit out before I can blog again. So just endure this emo crap and yes please, do not ask me any questions.