Lunar Festival and The Neighbour's Master Piece

For me, the Mid Autumn Festival has always been a time where we (as kids) arranged lighted candles in pretty patterns, walk around the parks with paper lanterns while admiring the full moon and eating moon cakes.

For as long as I can remember, I've always enjoyed the Mid Autumn festival, it is during this time that we are given general amnesty and a free reign to create arson and vandalize the parks by sticking our candles everywhere, leaving behind ugly scorch marks and melted candle wax.

I remember as a kid, how I used to buy those plastic toy soldiers and then burn them one by one. It is quite disturbing that we found it entertaining to see the fire slowly consuming and melting those small soldiers into sad little puddles of plastic. (Though I absolutely have to make it clear that Zhongda was the one who taught me this, there is no way, uh uh, that I could have come up with this sadistic idea)

However, it seemed that the older I get, the less fun the idea of competing to see who can light the biggest fire becomes. This year marks the first time in my life that I did not even light a single candle or carry a lantern for the whole of the Moon Festival.

In fact, I spent the whole of today at work and the only thing interesting that happened today was of 3 YPs (for those of you who do not know what YP stand for, I can only say that the Y stands for young) complaining to me that their 'room' was haunted.

Upon further questioning though, it seemed that these 3 kids have heard the eerie laughter of a woman in their room the night before. They also showed me a drawing of a long haired woman that was scratched on the behind of their door. The 3 YPs vehemently denied that the drawings were done by them and they also told me how their 'room' seemed colder than the other 'rooms'.

Hearing their story, I was immediately reminded of the incident told to me by one of the night shift staff a few days ago. It seemed that one of my colleagues working the night shift had been scared shitless when he had seen the figure of a long haired lady floating out of our locked office.

I don't know if it is because of their eerie story or because of some other pyschological reasons, their room did feel colder to me.

And so, being the nice and considerate person that I am, I tried to comfort these 3 kids by telling them that a colder room means free air-conditioning and a better night sleep. I also tried to calm their frayed nerves but affirming their story and telling them about the long haired lady that the night duty staff saw.

I don't think they are much comforted though, for they looked positively paler when I left them.

On the way home, I noticed a sms from my neighbour. It seemed that her boy friend, whom she insisted is not her boyfriend(Don't worry, I won't tell your mum lah!), had just entered NS and she wants to know how often he can use his phone. Being the nice friendly neighbour I am, I prompty answered all her queries and tried to assure her that it is not easy for someone to actually die during NS training.

Somehow or rather though, maybe due to the fact that my neighbour is an art student, the conversation lead to the supposedly 'master piece' that she had drawn.

Having been neighbours for years, I had seen quite a number of the art pieces that she had drawn (the most recent being the half melted, maimed hand that looked like something from the movie 'Saw') and thus I was skeptical about whether I could comprehend her drawings.

However, figuring that I could have a good laugh by making fun of her drawings, I asked to see her 'master piece'

And this is it...

The drawing, looking kind of nice and fuzzy in my low resolution photo

Apparently, the theme for this art piece is supposed to be something about warm relationships. And from what my neighbour told me, this drawing is of her and her elder brother when they were younger.

Sadly, the low resolution photo failed to show most of the details that made this drawing a master piece and thus, in a bid to highlight the artistic talents of my neighbour, I shall literally point out what makes this drawing so damn eerie um... I mean great...

Firstly, the two kids in the drawings have very evil looking eyes and are wearing the type of demented grins that, you know, only the Joker in Dark Knight or Chucky in Child Play will have.

Also, the two of them are floating in mid-air while eating ice cream that seemed to be made of blood. The drawing is made more disturbing with the great amount of blood surrounding the two characters.

All in all, I think my neighbor has really outdone herself this time. I could really envision her monopolizing the market for the posters of all the horror movies.

So to the very talented artist living next door, don't forget your very nice and encouraging neighbour when you get rich and famous hor.

P.S.
There is absolutely no sarcasm in this entry. The author really feels that his neighbour has the potential to be the next Picasso. Also, as the author is fond of making fun of the people that he likes, anything that is spastic/sarcastic in the blog should be treated as nonsensical ramblings.

M1 and Ian

This morning, I woke up to see a profusion of smses on my handphone.

Apparently, M1 (being a very nice and friendly customer oriented mobile service provider) have helped me subscribed to a couple of funny services such as lottery results and music downloads.

One of the smses that M1 had sent me : " Thank you for subscribing to 4d Toto at $2.14/mth. Promo rates apply if any. To unsub, sms "term 4dtoto" to 1627"

The 2 implications that people may draw from this sms:

1) The phrase "Thank you for subscribing" implies that I have voluntarily, on my own free will, subscribed for the 4d Toto results from M1 which is of course not what I have done.

So, M1 wtf are you thanking me for?

To me, the forcing of service on someone is somewhat like kissing a girl without asking for her consent first and -then- thanking her for subscribing to your kissing services and then telling her that the service will cost her $2/mth -unless- she sends you an sms saying that she wants to stop your kissing services. (Ok, ok, I know my analogy sucks big time but the gist of it is somewhere there... I think)

Also, by implying that I have voluntarily subscribed for this 4d Toto thing, it can be taken to mean that

2) I am a -gasp- compulsive gambler who bet on Toto and 4d frequently and thus needs to know 4d/Toto information on the go.

As you can see, there isn't a speck of truth in those 2 implications for firstly, I definitely did not sign up for these services and secondly I am definitely not a compulsive gambler.

The only acts of gambling in my life are the very occasional buying of Toto (yeah, I do believe that striking toto is the greatest gift in life) and that once in a while game of Mahjung.

I have to stress that I am not addicted to buying Toto and I don't even like playing Mahjung that much.

Besides the fact that it is hard for a honest, gullible and nice person like me to win anything in Mahjung, I also feel damn pissed when I lose and -very-guilty (hehe, really I do) even when I do win, so in fact, it is a lose lose situation for me .


I am now considering legal action against M1 for gross misrepresentation of information (such as implying that I am addicted to buying toto) and for any any how signing me up for funny services and forcing me to, one by one send termination smses to M1 to cancel those unwanted services.

On a happier note, my good friend Ian is getting married on Monday and I am cordially invited to his wedding dinner.

For those of you who do not know who Ian is, here's some background info

1) He is the sergeant of my army unit whom I once understudied under and the one who sent me to wash the toilet on my first shift up on Pawai.

2) He also taught (by self example, no less) that duty on Pawai involves lying on the bed 23 hours a day. (The other one hour out of bed being used for showering, eating and maybe shitting)

3) We once had a competition while doing our duty in Pawai. The rules are simple, the person who gets down from his bed first loses. I lost. Sometimes I wonder if he is a person or a log, I had never seen anyone else who can stay in bed the whole day.

4) He is also the one of the few sergeants who knows or profess to know, how to cook. He had in fact managed to cook pork meat instant noodles that was so delicious that Nicky, our dog in Pawai refused to eat the pork that was left over. Which is kind of a miracle, for Nicky eats almost anything. Needless to say, none of us could finish the instant noodles.

5) He is leading a great life after his ORD for he gets plumper every time I see him. His features used to be angular I think, now he is just round. (On a side note, my elder brother is heading the same way, he is accumulating layers of fat like a polar bear)

From the scant information above, it is not hard to deduce what a gem of a person Ian is and so a very good luck to you, Ian's future wife.

-Edited- 17/09/08
P.S.

Just realized that I had forgotten to put a disclaimer on this. Anything that might offend/insult anyone should of course be treated as nonsensical ramblings by the author.

ERP Gantries and Hitler

I have always thought that only common people like me have to worry about rising costs but here is proof that even the elites can be troubled by monetary woes.

The Lift And Yoda

I was walking towards the lift below my flat today, after a long and tiring day at work, carrying bags of takeaways from MacDonald's which will serve as dinner for my family.

Though the takeaways were damn heavy (3 sets of up-sized meals and 3 free Olympic cups hor...) my 'muscular' arms barely feel the strain.

However, despite my superhuman strength, it will be difficult to press the lift buttons as it is damn hard to maneuver your fingers when you are carrying a lot of bags.

Lucky for me though, a guy (whom I don't think I have ever seen before) reached the lift before me and seeing that I was laden with many plastic bags, he kindly pressed the button to hold the lift open for me.

After expressing my thanks, I quickly entered the lift and was about to press the button for the 3rd floor - the level where my house is.

But before I could even lift my hand, that guy had reached out with lightning speed and pressed the button for the 3rd floor.

Being a very logical person (and a logical person always numbered out his thoughts), I came out with the several plausible explanations as to why that guy had pressed for the 3rd floor -

1) He is a friend/relative of my neighbors and he is visiting them
2) He is a insurance agent to my neighbors
3) He had pressed for the wrong floor
4) He is a neighbor... whom I had never noticed before

As these thoughts were running in my mind though, this guy very decisively pressed the button for the 6th floor which kinda shows that he wasn't going to the third floor. I was very amazed then and came to the very irrational conclusion that -

1) This guy has some kind of psychic powers and had somehow known that I had wanted to press for the 3rd floor and thus had pressed it for me

2) I am like one of those ordinary people in the TV show 'Heroes' who has just discovered my powers of mind control (Woaha!) and had just used my great powers to control the guy.

However, like I have stated earlier in my post, I am a logical and no nonsense kinda person, so I immediately dismissed these silly thoughts.

But as a very astonished me got out on the 3rd floor, I could not help but get a closer look at this guy before the lift doors closed.

The guy is an uncle in his late 30s or early 40s, has quite a few wrinkles, and is quite short (a full head shorter than me... which is really very short)

In fact, come to think of it, he kinda looks like this....




Less green of course...

I was racking my brain on why this picture looks so familiar when it struck me...

Yoda is living on the 6th floor.

Omigod, May the force be with me.


*P.S.

I mean no disrespect to the kind uncle who held the lift for me. I am really thankful for that kind act. I also happen to hold Yoda in high esteem and when I said Yoda, I actually really meant Master Yoda and if that kind uncle really happen to possess any psychic powers and is now reading my mind while I am writing this very nonsense post, I will be really be appreciative if he can pass on some of his powers to me so that I can increase my chance on not dying a virgin. As always, anything in this blog that might piss off anybody should be treated as nonsensical ramblings.

Weekends, Weekdays and Maths

It is a personal belief of mine that something weird is happening on most weekends for they passed by so damn fucking fast even or especially when you are not doing anything.

On weekends, the clocks seemed to turn faster and the sun seemed to set faster (though this might be attributed to the fact that by the time I wake up, the sun is usually more than halfway through with its descent).

In comparison, the weekdays go by fast only on days when you are taking your off or your leave. For the rest of the time though, the weekdays seem to crawl past with the speed of a crippled tortoise.

I have read somewhere that the 7 days week were invented by either the Jews or the Babylonians.

Now this 7 days week would have been fine if 3.5 days are for weekdays and 3.5 days for weekends.

An 8 days week will be even better though, due to the fact that many of us (me included) are no great shakes in Mathematics and therefore have great difficulties in calculating fractions and decimals.

This is, I believe what happened to the guy who invented the 5 days work week. He must have been a fucking intelligent and charismatic guy (for how else could he have convinced others that a 5 days work week is acceptable) who believes in fairness and equality.

But though he might have been brilliant in a hell lot of things, his Achilles Heel was that he sucked -big time- at Maths . He had not understood that when 7 is divided by 2 the answer is not a freaking 5 and 2.

That is why most of us are slogging away 5 days a week and also why I shall curse this fucker for every single working day of my life.

That is... if I can ever find out who he is.

But as they say, for every bad thing in life that you encountered, there will always be a worse thing that can and will happen.

My current work actually requires me to work on alternate weekends which means that I am -gasp- actually working 11 days / 2 weeks or 5.5 days a week, which also means I am feeling extremely cheated and that I cannot in fairness, curse the guy who invented the 5 days week, for strictly speaking, he is not responsible for my current predicament.

Life is truly great when you don't even know who you can place the blame on when shit happens to you.

Political Correctness

There is something very different about the current world as compared to the world I was in as a school kid.

The world today place a hell lot of emphasis on not hurting people's feeling and political correctness. Whereas in the past, people tend to just say what they fucking want to say.

Stuff such as empathy and being sensitive to others are non-existent back then or maybe simply ignored. People who care about others too much are weak and stupid. The world is a cruel place and only those who can endure it can survive.

I remembered my primary six teacher calling us, or in particularly me and my good pal Zhongda, stupid. Our ears were twisted and pinched by the fat sadistic teacher on a almost daily basis, getting slapped was a common affair.

To be fair, I almost never do my homework but the main reason that I don't ever do them is that the ugly spinster of a teacher was a great believer in making wayward students write lines. If I have spent the time wasted on writing the thousands of lines on studying instead, I could probably have qualified for Mensa. (Strangely enough, I did quite well for my PSLE but after that it all went downhill)

The political correctness of the world today makes me wonder if that evil teacher is still teaching now. One thing is for sure though, if she is still teaching the way that she taught years ago, she would most probably have been sued and head-lined our national newspapers.

However, my main purpose of writing this post is not to rant about this malevolent teacher (though there is a hell lot to rant about) but is instead about how much the world has changed.

We are on the surface much nicer people now, so careful of not offending others through our words or behaviors. Though there is a saying that says 'a rose by any other name is still a rose', we have changed how we describe people. Nowadays, black people are called colored; fat people, big; short people, vertically challenged; and so on...

In my workplace, the 'managers' and 'supervisors' very rarely scold us and put us down. I was expecting a scolding after I took 3 days MC in the span of 2 weeks. What happened though was a gentle advice from the boss telling me that my MC rate is affecting my 'high' performance rating... just before he gave me more projects to do.

And it is not only the well-educated people who are getting more and more political correct. I was buying dinner at the hawker center when the hawker addressed me as 'Shuai Ge' (which means handsome guy)

I was quite flattered by the honesty of this hawker -when- I heard this same hawker addressed a really old auntie behind me as 'Da Jie' (which translates as big sister)

While it makes great business sense for the hawker to flatter any Tom, Dick and Harry who frequents his store, it also makes you doubt every compliment that comes your way.

P.S.

To those kids who like to call me uncle ah, you all got a lot to learn from this hawker. Call me Da Ge the next time.

To the only one person whom I called 'Da Jie' on a regular basis. When I call you 'Da Jie', I am definitely, absolutely and unquestionably -not- inferring that you are an auntie.

You are one of the nicest, friendliest and um... prettiest 'Da Jie' that I have ever seen. Hahahaha. Really.

Driving Lessons

In this materialistic world that we live in, it is imperative for a guy to know how to drive.

As the world progresses, girls are no longer impressed by the hunting/foraging/chest thumping skills of guys. Proving yourself as the alpha male (also known as God's gift to the girls) is no longer as simple as just dragging the carcasses of the deer/stag/goat that you have hunted back to your stinking cave.

This could also be due to the fact that there are little wildlife (aside from the many stray cats) available in urban Singapore -and- I definitely do not think that the girls will be amused if you clobber a very cute cat and bring it home as dinner. (FYI, I am a cat lover myself and I will probably whack you if I see you clobbering a cat)

So what is it that attracts girls now?

Recent studies by Harvard (yeah, I am bullshitting you just to lend this post more credence) have shown that 95% of the girls are drawn to guys who chauffeur them around. There is, I believe, something about having a nice car that makes a girl go weak in her knees.

That is why I am now taking up driving lessons, even though the cost of buying and driving a car in Singapore is probably enough to feed a whole family in some other country for at least a lifetime.

What I did not expect is that the cost of learning how to drive is probably going to cost me an arm and a leg as well.

Just the cost of registering under Bukit Batok Driving Center costs me a whooping $80. A single practical lesson cost $60 (and I might need around 26-30 lessons). The practical test will cost about $130.

The amount of money needed is so fucking amazing that I wonder whether I am paying towards establishing an annual gratuity for the boss, management, clerk, instructors, cleaners of BBDC or for my driving lessons.

I am so going to get my driving license on the first try... for the sake of my manly pride and my thinning wallet.

P.S. My bro and his girlfriend passed in their first try... and their driving sucks big time. I don't think I will live it down if I fail =.=

Religion, Housework and Me

So I am on leave today.

While most people tend to rest on their leave days, I being the hardworking person that I am, spent my very precious leave day on... housework.

Many of you might not know it, but housework is actually a test of endurance for the occupants of the house (for those of us without a maid anyways).

I believe that subconsciously, me and my siblings are actually competing to see who can tahan the increasing disgusting state that the house is degenerating to.

I was way ahead in the endurance department when I lost it, after stepping on something gooey in the kitchen (and this was after I swiped my arm over something slimy on the dinning table).

My elder bro had caved in and cleared out the fridge a week or two ago when he got appalled with its condition. My sis had cleaned up her room when her friends came over to play the previous week.

It was now my turn to do some cleaning up before the house got eaten up by fungus or something.

I am a great believer in reverse psychology so, yeah, I love doing housework very much... there is truly nothing as gratifying as trying to wipe away the stubborn greasy stain on the stove or scrubbing that shitty toilet bowl.

I've spent the better half of the day clearing up the mess in the living room, the dining room and scrubbing the very disgusting kitchen floor, though to be honest, it would not have taken soooo long if I had not made it a point to go through all the interesting magazines that were strewn all over the house.

After making the house a little bit more habitable, I remembered, or rather my neighbor who was walking past the house, reminded me that today is actually the lunar 15th.

Although I happen to be a truly pious free thinker, my IC and more importantly, my Dad had stated that I am a Buddhist. Not wanting to be disowned by Dad, I obediently lay out the fruits (that my bro had bought) on the altar.

As I were arranging the lychees (lychees were my late mum's favorite fruit) on the plate, I found myself wanting to believe in the existence of God (or Gods depending on which religion you believe in), and that there is actually an afterlife where you can again meet the loved ones that you have lost.

But if God exists, how do we know which one of them really exist? If Christ is real then can Buddha or Thor or Allah be real also? If the Bible says that non-believers in Christianity are going to hell and the Koran says the same thing for non-believers in Islam... are we all going to Hell?

Religion is a really hard thing to understand for it requires faith and not logical thinking. You either believe in it or you don't for it is not something that can be proved by looking at facts or evidences.

I think that most of us want to believe in a religion because it promises something beyond what your normal life span of maybe 70-80 years offers.

So, to play it safe, I am now a full time Buddhist, part time free thinker.

In fact, to ensure that I do not end up in some hell when I died, I may decide to believe in all of those religions that states that non-believer (in that particular religion) will burn in hell.

And to reflect my religion inclination, my blog address will change to something like this

Rileon-is-a-BuddhistChristianTaoistIslamicPaganHinduZoroastrianism
Freethinker.blogspot.com

or to keep it short...

Rileon-is-a-sibehreligiousman.blogspot.com

*Disclaimer: There is absolutely no disrespect for any religion in this blog. Contents should be taken as nonsensical ramblings of the blogger.

Men, The Superior Gender

As the superior gender, we males are twice as clever as the females. This is evident from the fact that we are born with two heads instead of one.

Unfortunately, nature seek equality between the two genders and thus, have given us males an insufficient amount of blood to fully supply both heads at the same time.

Having said that, a man can usually assess his situation and decide which head needed the blood the most. And for most of the time, the blood flow is directed to his thinking head.

However, Nature has connived to give the females (who are less clever because they only have half the number of heads as compare to the males) an unfair advantage in the battle of the sexes.

This advantage becomes obvious when you put a woman (especially an attractive and scantily dressed one) near to a guy. A woman will have this very dangerous ability to redirect a man's blood flow from his thinking head to his lower and smaller head.

*It should be noted that the effect of this dangerous ability is often in direct proportion to her attractiveness and her proximity to the guy.

In other words, girls make guys stupid.

This can also be taken to mean that men are stupider. For knowing the effects that girls have on us, we still willingly chase after them as we would rather be stupid then single.

So please. If there are any sweet young things reading this post, do drop me a message. I am single, desperate and utterly willing to be stupid. Just for you.

Damn, I am so proud to be a guy.

Truth of Life

Blogging is hard. Changing the music in the blog is easy. I am lazy. That's why the music in this blog change more then the post. Anyone knows how to put a playlist in a blog?